A Quick Morning Vomit

Before I get to today's post, a quick update from last week's DIY heart garland post: I finished it yesterday and it came out pretty great! Woohoo! But, I haven't had a chance to hang it up and photograph the finished product, so you'll have to wait for Friday's post.

It is officially the year of the baby. About fifty percent of my friends are pregnant. 5-0. Word. It's been so fun to hear announcement after announcement. I'm losing my voice from the constant screams of joy.

With all this exciting news comes reminder after reminder that the first trimester is hard. And, by hard I mean filled with food aversions, nausea, seriously sore boobs, exhaustion and some upchucking. I have some lucky friends who have experienced minimal symptoms, but the majority have suffered to some extent and one unlucky pal suffered the entire nine months.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I had moderate morning sickness. I woke up every morning feeling nauseous. Sometimes, if I got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night...which was another symptom because I'm not someone who gets up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night...I would start to feel nauseous right then, at 3 am. In addition to the daily morning nausea, I also had random reactions to certain meals. It wasn't any one kind of food and it didn't happen every day, but once in a while I would be sitting down for lunch or dinner and need to call it quits before I began. One time, My husband and I were at a nice restaurant in our neck of Brooklyn and two bites into my entree and felt suddenly and fiercely sick to my stomach. My husband kindly asked the waiter to pack up his meal (not mine) and get us a check.

OH YUM. Talde is the restaurant that we left in a hurry.
I was grateful to dine there several times after the incident (when I was no longer pregnant) and before we moved.
(image source)

Thankfully, the nausea only lasted a bit beyond my first trimester and, thankfully, I never actually vomited. Though, I'm not sure what's worse - nausea that doesn't quit or puking that gives way to a settled stomach. Sounds like a "grass is always greener" comparison.

I wonder if my morning sickness will be worse the second time around. Are there statistics on this stuff? If so, can someone share? The thing about your second pregnancy is that you know what to expect, you know what you're signing up for. It seems ridiculous, but I almost forgot that nausea and vomit are included in the package. Thankfully, all these pregnant friends have reminded me. Now I just need a quick course on how to deal with nausea and vomiting while tending to a singing, climbing, diaper-filling toddler.

How was your morning sickness? Was it better or worse your second time around? Any remedies for combatting the nausea?

 

Round Two: Surprise...or Not

When you were pregnant with your first, you have a sort of clean canvas upon which to decide whether you would find out the baby's gender.  Or not.  You consider a bunch of things, but mostly you go with your gut (i.e. I NEED TO KNOW...or surprises are the best).  Now, you're pregnant with bambino numero dos and you're once again faced with the decision to find out the baby's gender or not.

This time around, the canvas ain't blank.  In fact, this time around, the canvas is completely splattered and smudged and smeared with the loving art of your firstborn.  So, the considerations you had when making the determination with your first are probably going to be different than this time around.

For starters, whether you decided to find out the gender of your firstborn or not, you now know that he is a he or she is a she.  So, you now have gender specific things all over your house - clothes, shoes, toys, bedding, gear and countless other miscellaneous baby accoutrement.  Whether you wanted to or not, you've been gifted and otherwise accumulated lots and lots of girly or boy-ey (?) stuff.  If baby number two is the opposite gender, you may find yourself needing to (or wanting to) purchase some stuff that suits his or her gender.

They (tropical5 on Etsy) makes pacifiers that are blinged out with Swarovski gems.
You may want to go with something less...pink and sparkly for your baby boy.  Maybe.

There's also the fact that baby number one is around for this pregnancy.  Baby number one is following along, on some level, and may benefit from knowing baby number two's gender.  You may benefit from using baby number two's gender in your readying of baby number one for this major life transition.  Or,

And, what about the logistics involved with where baby number two will set up shop for the long run?  If you're going to have two kiddos of the same gender, it might be in your plan for them to share a bedroom.  Two kiddos of opposite gender may influence you to give everyone their own space.  This sort of decision is nice to make in advance because it gives everyone some time to emotionally adjustment and it gives you time to physically get the space ready.  

Perhaps the lavender decor is too girly for your baby boy?  

Perhaps the airplane decor is too boy-ey for your baby girl?

I didn't find out the gender of my firstborn.  I was miserable about it for the first trimester and most of the second...just desperate to know what my husband and I had decided not to know.  About halfway through my second trimester the desperation simmered.  By my third trimester I was pretty excited that we had kept it a surprise.  On the day that my daughter arrived, I was already sure that we would keep baby number two's gender a surprise as well.  I wonder if my mind will change when the time comes...



  

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I'm not talking about Christmas, although Christmas is a wonderful time of the year.  I am talking about the best time of year to have a baby.

Before we get into a serious discussion on this topic, we have to acknowledge that you can't actually control your baby's birthday.  Even with a scheduled C-section, you're still limited to a window of time, meaning that your OB won't let you have a C-section on July 4th if your due date isn't until October 15th.  Aside from your lack of control over the delivery, there's also your lack of control as to when you ovulate and when fertilization occurs.  Basically, we're about to have a pointless conversation.

Now that that's out of the way, let's dive in.  If you were able to choose your baby's birthday, you may want to consider some of the following:

• Fall Babies are Wicked Smart - Respected studies out of the UK show that babies born in September, October and November are the highest achievers, both academically and socially.  Read more here.
• Summers Off - Teachers and students often want/need to have a summer baby and preferably an early June baby.
• Time to Lose the Baby Weight - Babies born in the fall or winter give you a good chunk of time to lose the baby weight before it's bathing suit season.
• Maternity Clothes Wardrobe - If you're at your most pregnant during winter months in a cold part of the world, your maternity clothes investment can be significant.  You need coats and sweaters and pants.  And if your feet widen you need a couple pairs of shoes or boots.  If you're at your most pregnant in the summer, all you'll need are some cheap cotton dresses and flip flops.
• Holy Hot Flash - While summer maternity clothes are the cheapest and easiest, there are some obvious disadvantages to being extremely pregnant in extreme heat.  Public transportation and non-air conditioned spaces are hell.
• Winter Holidays With a Newborn - Having a baby in the fall means his/her first holiday celebration is right around the corner.  This may mean traveling with your newborn.  This may mean hosting a bunch of family and friends while caring for your newborn.  This may mean exposing your newborn to all sorts of winter germ thanks to the masses of family and friends that you visit or host.  
• Your Other Child(ren)'s Birthday - Having back to back birthday parties takes skill, money and patience.  Spreading out the fun tends to be more manageable.

What other seasonal factors affected you and your newborn?  What was the best time of year to be pregnant, to deliver and for your baby to be born?

A Real Conversation

And now, I interrupt my previously scheduled post about more things I did when I was pregnant to bring you a real conversation...that happened yesterday.

First, I'll set the stage: I am sitting in a cafe with my bundle of joy, who is sleeping in the stroller and looking quite angelic.  I've just sat down with a hot bowl of soup (it's cold in NY these days) and I'm about to take my first warm spoonfuls.  Enter woman with a coffee and cookie who takes a seat at the table next to mine.

Woman - Your baby is adorable, so tiny.  How old? 

Me - Thanks!  Around 3 months. 

Woman - I've seen so many tiny babies lately.  I saw a really small baby in the diner the other day, even smaller than yours.  You baby is big for 3 months, right? 

Me - Actually, yes.   

Woman - I have to make a call to my husband. 

Me - Okay.  (I smile and assume that the conversation is going to end here) 

Woman - I have to call my husband about my son.  I got called into his school yesterday and they told me that he has (she starts poking around her scalp)...LICE. 

Me - I'm sorry. 

Woman - I was picking through his head last night and he asked what I was doing and I didn't want to tell him, so I said nothing.  I have to call my husband and tell him that I got the special shampoo.  I'll have to pick through his head again tonight.

Me - Oh. 

Woman - It's so gross. 

Me - Yeah.

Finally, the woman reaches her husband on the phone and proceeds to discuss the gross lice situation, including the special shampoo.  I am left staring at my soup and unsure whether my appetite is fully gone or just partially.

While I was pregnant I found myself the victim of similar type conversations where a stranger divulged very random and often very awkward information to me.  Yesterday's conversation reminded me of those pregnancy days.  Somehow they already feel a light year away.  Time flies once the baby arrives.

A Pregnancy Book or Ten

I have written about pregnancy books a couple times (here and here too).  Those posts were, of course, written before I was actually pregnant. So, by the time I became pregnant and wanted to get on the knowledge wagon, I forgot the results of all that research.  Easy solution - I went back through my posts.

I had written about serious pregnancy books and "Not So Serious" pregnancy books.  I wanted a serious book.  I knew ZIP about what was in store for me and relying on Jenny McCarthy as my sole provider of information seemed risky (though I've heard that Belly Laughs is a hoot).  I also decided, after reviewing my posts, that I wanted to steer clear of What To Expect When You're Expecting.  While several friends had recommended it as the true bible of pregnancy, others classified it as a fear-inducing encyclopedia.  I wanted to err on the side of a fearless pregnancy.  Lastly, I did a little re-reading of Amazon.com book reviews.  With everything fresh in my mind, I headed to Barnes and Noble to make my big purchase.

I can't tell you what I intended to purchase at Barnes and Noble because I don't remember.  What I do remember is going to the pregnancy section of the store for the first time and (sort of) freaking out.  First, I couldn't find the book I had picked and was too nervous to ask for help.  Maybe I chose the wrong book and the sales clerk was going to judge me..."already a bad mom and the baby isn't even here...tisk tisk."  I quickly gave up my game plan and started randomly looking through the shelves, but there were so many books.  SO MANY BOOKS.  I picked up one and mindlessly flipped through it.  Nope.  I flipped through another.  Nope.  I didn't know why I was rejecting them or what I was looking for.  At some point I decided that I had been there too long, my mission was a bust and I needed to just grab something and leave.  My hands landed on the Mayo Clinic book and I nearly ran to the check out.

GREAT accidental choice on my part.  About half the book is broken up into a month by month discussion of changes to the baby, changes to the mom and specific things that will occur in each month (prenatal tests, etc.).  Monthly breakdowns felt like the perfect amount to consume in a sitting (versus weekly or by trimester).  The other half of the book is dedicated to labor and delivery.  The tone of the book is that perfect mix of straightforward information packaged in some friendly bedside manner.  And, I later learned that my doctor's office carried a copy of the Mayo Clinic book in each examination room.  That says something, right?  Though it also made me a little nervous to imagine a doctor needing it during an examination to answer a couple questions for the patient.

In addition to the Mayo Clinic book, I was also gifted Pregnancy Day by Day.

This is a pretty awesome book.  Each page is a day of pregnancy and each day there is something unique and special to read about.  There are amazing sonogram pictures on each page, so the mom-to-be has a visual of what's happening that day inside her belly.  This was especially nice in the beginning of my pregnancy when my bump hadn't bumped.  Though the cover promotes this book to contain "comprehensive advice", I wouldn't necessarily agree with that characterization.  This is a relatively light read and more about the images and novel tidbits (example - fetal hiccups) than hardcore information.

I was also gifted a bunch of other books: the Dr. Oz book, The Girlfriends Guide, What to Expect (yeah, it found its way to my book shelf), Belly Laughs (still haven't read this one...maybe next time?).  My husband was even gifted a few books including The Caveman's Pregnancy Companion.  Each book contains the same basic information, but differs in the tone (mellow versus alarmist) and the amount of information (a little and a lot).  It ended up being really nice to have a collection because it gave me variety.  Some topics I wanted to know everything about and so I could hit up that chapter in all of the books and learn it from every angle.  Some topics I didn't care as much about, so I could read about it in a less intense book and move on.  

There are a couple morals to this story.  First, you may not want to buy yourself a pregnancy book because it's a staple gift for a first time mom and you're bound to receive a few.  Second, each book provides something different and valuable so there's nothing wrong with having a collection.  Last, at some point I found myself putting the books away and relying solely on my doctor because she knew me, she knew my baby and she knew my pregnancy...unlike the authors of any of the books on my shelf.  More on this last lesson another day.  

What pregnancy books did you use?  How would you rate the books?    

  

Pickles and Ice Cream

The minute I revealed that there was bun in my oven, people started asking about my cravings.  Friends, family and strangers alike all wanted to know what foods I suddenly and absolutely needed.  It's one of the most talked about symptoms of pregnancy - food cravings.  It's some sort of phenomenon that pregnant women have cravings for foods that they have never craved before (or even liked before).  And, better yet, pregnant women crave unique combinations of food.

Remember Lady and the Tramp?  Of course you do.  It's aptly described on IMDB as the "romantic tale of a sheltered uptown Cocker Spaniel dog and a streetwise downtown mutt".

This is from 1955, seriously.

Do you remember the scene when the voice of the pregnant wife asks the husband to go out in the blizzard to get her some watermelon and chop suey?  That is how most people imagine pregnancy cravings.  Watermelon and chop suey.  Or, the classic, pickles and ice cream.  I was constantly asked whether I craved pickles or ice cream or the combination.  Much like Snooki, I happen to love pickles, and much like everyone, I happen to love ice cream.  So, my answer was always "Yes, I have been craving both pickles and ice cream...as much as I did before my pregnancy, which was a lot."

What I find especially interesting about the association between pregnancy and food cravings is that it's a farce.  Sort of.  I didn't have cravings when pregnant, not really.  There was never a moment when I absolutely needed a particular food.  There was never a moment when I demanded my husband run to the corner store for pickles or ice cream or anything else.  Most of my mom friends report the same.

This is a real maternity clothing store, check it out here.

I did, however, find myself eating a lot of tomato soup.  I'm a bagged lunch type of lady, yet I would randomly find myself in line at Hale and Hearty, waiting to pay for a cup of Tomato Basil with Rice soup.  Sometimes once a week.  But, I'm not sure I considered this a craving because I didn't suddenly and urgently need tomato soup at 2 a.m. one morning, I just sort of ate it often.  That and apple juice, but I think the apple juice was more about consuming something that was easy on my stomach and energy producing.

Has anyone ever actually craved pickles and ice cream while pregnant?  Has anyone (pregnant or not) ever tried pickles and ice cream together?  I wonder if it would be surprisingly good with the sweet and salty combo?  I do love chocolate covered pretzels.

What did you crave when you were pregnant?  

A Revealing Method

It's time to start sharing now that we all know I was pregnant for nine months this year.  I'll start from the beginning.  So, how did I reveal to my husband, family and friends that I was pregnant?  Before I get to the answer, let's look back at my post from June 2011 about all the exciting ways that one can reveal that she is pregnant.  Here is a brief summary of that post:

• Online Method - blog about it, tweet it, post it on Facebook, make an online photo album with your sonogram photo, send an email, Evite everyone to a party featuring your baby bump
• Phone Call Method - no explanation needed
• Creative Face-to-Face Method - a dinner party, a colorful (think pink or blue) cake, a t-shirt with a message, etc.
• Revealing Gift Method - a mug for your parents that says "I love Grandma/pa", a t-shirt for your husband that says "#1 Daddy", etc.

Check out the post for a full post (here) with awesome (might I say) suggestions.

So, which of my awesome suggestions did I take?  None.  Well, none when it came to the biggest and most important reveal - my husband.  I just walked out of the bathroom completely stunned and said, "I think I'm pregnant."  To which he said, if I remember correctly, "What does that mean?"

The conversation then proceeded with me explaining that I used the pregnancy test (like I said I would five minutes earlier).  I waited the appropriate amount of minutes for an accurate result.  I looked at the pee covered stick.  There were TWO pink lines.  Then I repeated, "I think I'm pregnant."  This time he said, "You are pregnant."  It wasn't a could be, might be, "think" situation.  I was or I wasn't, and I was.  Pure joy.  Then I took another test, for good measure. 

I will never forget that exchange.  I will never forget that day.  So, the lesson quickly became - it doesn't matter how one reveals her pregnancy.  It's unforgettable no matter the method.

The Hardest Sacrifice

What's the hardest sacrifice that a woman has to make when she gets pregnant?  Don't think too deeply on this one.  I'm not talking about life-altering, emotional sacrifices like choosing the needs of one's unborn baby over oneself.  I'm talking about the opposite - shallow, temporary sacrifices.  Today I'm polling this question for no other reason than satisfying my curiosity.

Which of the following would be, is or was the hardest thing to sacrifice during pregnancy.  If I don't list your vice below, please feel free to spell out whatever else it is that you will miss/are missing/have missed for 40 weeks.  Kindly leave your choice in a comment.


ALCOHOL - This has to be top on the sacrifice list for most, or am I just a wino?

image here

LARGE AMOUNTS OF CAFFEINE - You are correct if you believe that small amounts of caffeine on a daily basis are no big deal (at least this is what I read after a stitch of research).  But, if you're a pot of coffee a day type lady, there will be necessary cut backs.  A cup of Joe a morning is fine, a half dozen espressos is probably not.

image here

SUSHI - I've recently heard that as long as you're eating reliable sushi, you're allowed to keep the soy sauce flowing.  Reliable sushi being sushi from a restaurant/vendor that you know and trust to be 100% bacteria/parasite free.  But, it's very hard to know when you're eating reliable sushi, so for most this will be a sacrifice.

image here

RECREATIONAL DRUGS - I just put it on the list to see if anyone was interested in admitting their habits in the publicly accessible yet judgment free forum provided on NSB.

image here

CONTACT SPORTS AND EXTREME SPORTS - I'm not an ob/gyn as you may have known or guessed.  But, from what I have learned through the journey of blogging on NSB, activities like horseback riding, bungee jumping and lacrosse become less easy to do when you're pregnant.  And, there are some studies showing that they present a risk to the little one.

image here

Now go ahead and comment with your vote.  I'll vote too.

Reality Stars Do Pregnancy

Has anyone else noticed that reality TV stars are getting knocked up left and right?  Why?  I have two theories.  My first theory is that the pregnancy-is-so-hot-right-now trend is having a trickle down effect from the A list stars to the non-A list stars.  If Angie does it, it's cool.  And, by now, she's done it twice.  My second theory is that someone at MTV realized that the excessive drinking, hair pulling and grammatically incorrect sentence forming is losing it's allure.  Then someone at E! realized it...someone at Bravo...and so on.  Regardless of WHY, it's become clear that Gym, Tan, Laundry is being replaced by Unprotected Sex, Preggers, Baby. 

Today, I'm going to pretend to be Perez Hilton before he got all politically correct following a tongue lashing by Jennifer Aniston.  Anyone else remember that?  I'm going to waste a good 10 minutes of your life by dissecting the rampant pregnancy trend infecting affecting D-list Hollywood.

First up, Snooki.  Who was shocked by news of Snooki's pregnancy?  I was.  I really was.  Jersey Shore may not be as epic as it was a mere summer ago, but it still brags a huge following.  So huge that MTV has developed 2 spin off series, one with Pauly D (The Pauly D Project) and one with Snooki and J Woww (untitled at the moment).  Now, as I just hypothesized, maybe MTV (or Snooki herself) anticipated the Jersey Shore audience wanting something more than episode after episode of black out drinking and fist pumping at Karma.  Maybe a new generation of hair gel abusers is just the ticket.  But, if not, Snooki has just given up her cash cow for a money hungry baby.  She can't exactly head back to the Shore this summer while 7 months pregnant.  And, I don't think The Situation would approve of a Baby Snooks sleeping in a pack-n-play in the Smoosh Room.

via UsMagazine.com

Kristin Cavallari, former Laguna Beach and Hills star, is also pregnant.  Like the Snooki news, this announcement was quite the curve ball.  Just last year Ms. Cavallari had ended her engagement to Jay Cutler and was accused of scamming for cocaine all day, every day, all the time.  A lot can change in a year.  She announced her pregnancy about a month ago and seems to come up with a new, mind-numbing story to tell People.com on a day-to-day basis about her progress - her cravings, the size of her bump, her prediction that Jay Cutler (aka baby daddy) will be a good father because he's "good with [her] little dog".  I'm starting to think that she got pregnant to stay relevant.

image via UsMagazine.com

Then there's Kourtney Kardashian who's very pregnant with her second.  Unlike Snooki and Kristin, Kourtney's announcement wasn't all that shocking.  But, the timing of her announcement was noteworthy.  Just as the Kim and Kris relationship inferno hell came to a head last fall, WHAM: Kourtney's pregnant.  It felt like Kris Jenner was snapping her fingers at America - look over here, not there, HERE...ignore the Kardashian behind curtain number one...look at the fabulous Kardashian behind door number two!!!  While I avoided using the word "calculated" with Snooki and Kristin (because I don't think it applies), I'm gonna casually throw it out with Kourtney Kardashian.  I don't believe her pregnancy was calculated, but I do think her pregnancy announcement was orchestrated to divert as much negative press away from sister Kim as possible.

image via Celebuzz.com

How did I do?  Could I guest write for Pink is the New Blog? What do you think of all these reality TV ladies and their baby bumps?

Feeling Like Fergie

Stacy Ferguson (aka Fergie) (aka Fergie Ferg) is well known for many fabulous things.  She sings, she dances and she's even acted (check out her IMDB page here).  She's also known for some not so fabulous things.  She used crystal meth on the regular back in the early 90s and she once peed her pants while on stage during a concert....

I was gonna draw an arrow to 
highlight the evidence...
but it seemed unnecessary
(image here)

When one feels like Fergie that could mean many things, good and bad.  It could mean feeling embarrassed after doing something supremely humiliating.  It could mean feeling extra glamorous and ready to rock out sequin unitard.  It could also mean feeling pissed off because everyone thinks you're pregnant, but you're not.  Poor Fergie is constantly being mistaken as pregnant.  CONSTANTLY.  It's  the result of an unflattering angle, an unflattering outfit and sometimes both.  She's the subject of pregnancy speculation just as often as she's the subject of recognition for her career.

Here are some exhibits to prove my point:

Exhibit A: Fergie wears a flowing blue shirt,
X17Online.com thinks she's pregnant

Exhibit B: Fergie is photographed leaving dinner
 (maybe too much sushi? white rice can bloat....) 
in an empire waist dress and
JustJared.com thinks she's pregnant

Exhibit C: This is just a bad angle 
and an ugly shirt, but Babble.com 
thought it was the look of pregnancy

Exhibit D: Here, Babble.com called 
Fergie "thick" (how friggin cruel), 
which was a supposed sign of pregnancy

Ever mistaken someone as pregnant?  It's hurtful.  Ever been mistaken as pregnant?  It sucks.  First, it automatically brings about self image issues.  It makes you feel fat or unfashionable or both.  Second, it brings about privacy issues.  These issues are best explained through some exhibits, much like Fergie's pregnancy rumors.  

Exhibit A: Your friend calls you out for being pregnant because you're not drinking alcohol.  What she doesn't know is that you're taking medication for a medical condition that you don't want to talk about.  It's something you wanted to keep between you and your doctor.  

Exhibit B: Your friend calls you out for being pregnant because your boobs are looking particularly large.  What she doesn't know is that you're wearing a pair of chicken cutlets because you wanted to look amazing in a strapless dress for the first time in you life.  It's your best friend's wedding and you wanted some keepsake photos in which you look more shapely than a 12-year-old boy. 

Exhibit C: Your friend calls you out for being pregnant because you're constantly talking about babies.  What she doesn't know is that talking about babies doesn't mean wanting babies. 

In all of these exhibits, you have the option of evading the question (and probably perpetuating suspicion), straight up lying, or revealing embarrassing information.  Three bad choices.  So, here's my firm advice to nosy friends:  Don't be so nosy.  Be a friend and not a private investigator.  If you are truly friends with someone, she will tell you she's pregnant when she's ready.  Forcing someone to admit she's pregnant or defend her non-pregnant status isn't very friendly.

Don't make your friend feel like Fergie.

Equally Awful

Did you hear that Leah Messer had a miscarriage?  UGH.  Here is the full story from OK! Magazine.

When I heard the sad news I had been ironically working on a post about the fact that Leah Messer was pregnant again.  A cheeky post that went something like this:

If you know I love Teen Mom, you also know that I have mixed opinions about it's overall worth to society.  I've asked the question before (here) and I'll ask it again: is Teen Mom teaching teens about how truly difficult it is to be a teenage mother or is it glamorizing teen pregnancy?  I think, and I could certainly be wrong, that the founding idea behind Teen Mom was to encourage the use of birth control (and celibacy).  I haven't come across any statistics on whether this principal has in fact affected the general teenage population, but when it comes to a specific teenage individual, Leah Messer, we can now say with certainty that the whole importance of birth control message didn't resonate.  She's nineteen and recently announced that she's pregnant, again.

I was actually inspired to write a post about Leah's Messer's pregnancy by one of my favorite NSB followers who emailed this question: why haven't you covered the Leah Messer pregnancy?!  A solid question given my juvenile obsession with the Teen Mom franchise.  Of course it was blog worthy news, but I was biding my time as I searched for my angle.  So, I started the post (above) but couldn't figure out where to take it.  Then, news of the miscarriage hit the internet and my angle found me.

Pregnancy is major.  It can be major good or major...not good.  That's because not all pregnancies occur under ideal terms.  It's easy to think of the married couple in their thirties who get pregnant after thoughtful consideration, financial planning and a month of hot, unprotected sex.  Of course that's not always the case.  Pregnancy can also be the result of a couple teenagers having a one-night, supremely awkward romp session after drinking far too many Natty Ices.

aka Natty Ice

Miscarriage, on the other hand, is pretty much always awful - whether you're sixteen or fifty, a billionaire or poor as hell, ready or not ready.  There is no upside to discovering a pregnancy and then losing that pregnancy.  For a woman whose discovery of pregnancy is major good, loss of that pregnancy is awful.  Totally and utterly devastating.  For a woman whose discovery of pregnancy is major not good, loss of that pregnancy is still awful.  Losing a pregnancy won't erase the emotional turmoil that occurred while the pregnancy existed.  And, even in major not good cases, unexpectedly losing a pregnancy may still provoke sadness.  A loss is still a loss, even if it's accompanied by a sense of relief.

Upon hearing news of the miscarriage, my heart hurt for Ms. Messer, even if she did ignore the good word of Dr. Drew.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Tom Petty and those Heartbreakers said it best:

Making the decision to try to get pregnant is HUGE.  For some, it's a decision that was made a long time ago, but other factors (and parties) had to get on board.  For others, it's a decision that came after a lot of thinking and waiting and considering and waiting and more thinking.  In either case, once this HUGE decision is made it's then time to go ahead and get pregnant.

Whether trying to get pregnant means casually pulling the goalie or purchasing an ovulation test kit and creating spreadsheets, it's impossible to know when it actually happens.  The word "it" in that prior sentence does not stand for "sex"...you know when sex happens.  Rather, it stands for moment that one actually becomes pregnant (fertilization then implantation... look it up), which is impossible to determine without some sophisticated medical equipment.  And so, whether your approach is laid back or full throttle, there will be a period of waiting to see whether you get your period, or not.

When you've made that decision that it's go time, that you're ready to get pregnant, that you're as ready as you'll ever be to become a parent...waiting can be hard.  It can be excruciating.  Typically it's two weeks between the day that a woman can get pregnant (ovulation) and the day that a woman should get her period (menstruation...I had to write it).  Even if a woman's cycle is a little unpredictable, it's still about two weeks before most pregnancy tests will give an accurate reading.

Thank you Wikipedia for this helpful chart.  

Taking a pregnancy test before the two week mark, while tempting, isn't a great option.  The results are not necessarily accurate, which will lead to waiting another few days to retest while coping with potentially false information in the meantime.  So, if you have to wait, how can you make it a little less hard?  In true Family Feud style, I've polled a bunch of ladies and the number one answer on the board is "Stay Busy".  Fill your social calendar.  Start (and finish?) a new TV series, I recommend Homeland.  Bake yourself, your friends, your co-workers some cookies.  Learn to knit.  Do anything that will take your mind off waiting and do it constantly until the waiting is over.  An idle mind is the devil's workshop (it's a proverb of some sort), so keep your mind full of thoughts other than "how much longer do I have to wait?!".

The Blue Ivy Conspiracy

Next Stop Baby (the blog you are currently reading) is not a celebrity gossip blog.  I (the blogger) don't know any insider news about celebrities.  I don't live in California, much less Los Angeles.  I'm just hopelessly tacky with my obsession for all things celebrity.  It's common for me to through in a celebrity reference here or there.  And, once in a while, I dedicate an entire post to Teen Mom or Pregnant in Heels because they represent a crossover area of both celebrity and baby...so I feel like it's allowed. Today, is a bit of a crossover area as well - Blue Ivy Carter.  I got questions.

I was so excited when the news of Beyonce and Jay Z's baby girl, Blue Ivy, hit the celebrity gossip websites.  I was all over it.  I read about the crazy money that the super celeb couple spent on their hospital suite at Lenox Hill.  I read about the meaning behind Blue Ivy's unique name.  And, I read about all the other celebs' reactions to the fantastic news.  There was a lot to read.  

Then, I heard (note: I didn't read) a rumor that Beyonce didn't herself give birth to Blue Ivy.  Here is the full rumor, as I was told: Beyonce was never pregnant.  She didn't want to get pregnant herself and lose her figure and job opportunities along with it.  She faked the pregnancy because she didn't like the image of surrogacy.  She wore around a fake baby bump on her torso and some chicken cutlets in her bra to give the illusion.  At Lenox Hill Hospital, she and Jay Z had an entire floor to themselves and only those in the know and sworn to secrecy were allowed on the floor.

My immediate reaction to this tall tale?  Bullshit.  There's just no way.  First, I don't buy that someone, even an ego-centric, I-own-the-world type celebrity (not that I think Beyonce fits that definition), would go to those measures.  Do you agree?  Second, even if someone had the balls to try and pull of a scheme of that complexity, it wouldn't work.  The news would leak.  Someone would get their hands on those medical records and the whole, silly thing would be revealed.

She looks pregnant here and
I'm not sure how this could be faked.

I was going to scour the internet for all the evidence of this wild allegation, but I think pulling together a collection of fake pregnancy evidence would only dignify the rumor.  Plus, other websites have already done that!  (Like this one).

What do you think?  Have you heard this rumor?  I'm just not a conspiracy theorist.  I even believe that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are happily married....

The Banished Baby Bump

What word or term describes a pregnant woman's protruding midsection?

Baby bump.  

(That's what you guessed, right?)

Heidi Klum and Gwen Stefani had
some serious baby bumps circa 2008

Can you think of any commonly used synonyms for "baby bump"?  Protruding midsection (as I just wrote above)?  Definitely NO.  Pregnant belly?  I don't think so, though maybe.  The word "showing" is somewhat common - "is she showing?" or "I'm not showing yet", etc.  But, "showing" doesn't refer to the protruding midsection itself, it refers to the size of the protruding midsection (whether it's visible to the general public).  By and large, baby bump is the term.

Meanwhile, pregnancy and motherhood are pop-culture phenomenons.  I'm not sure when that became true.  Maybe when Demi Moore was pregnant and naked on the cover of Vanity Fair?  That's a total wild guess, but you can quote me.  But, whenever this pregnancy coolness trend started doesn't matter because I think we can all agree that it is here and now.  Just last year, Pregnant and Heels made Rosie Pope a pseudo celebrity and her maternity clothing line a must have for rich pregnant ladies.  Celebrity gossip websites feature "Bump Watch" columns that show photos of celebrity midsections that are suspected to be pregnant or known to be pregnant.  There are pregnancy books and websites and blogs (ahem...), all dedicated to the fondness and coolness of pregnancy.  Being pregnant is generally a hip thing to be these days.

With this hot pregnancy trend and the seeming fact that only one term describes a pregnant woman's protruding midsection, the words "baby bump", are overused everywhere.

Remember this?

According to Lake Superior State University, that needs to end.  Stat.  Every year, Lake Superior State University conducts a survey of the most misused, overused and generally useless words in the English language.  Every year the votes are tallied and a list of the twelve most voted for words is published.  The list is sort of a request to stop using the words.  More like a demand?  The newest list came out on January 1, 2012 and...you know where I'm going with this... BABY BUMP was number 2 on the list.

Here is the full list:

1. Amazing
2. Baby Bump
3. Shared Sacrifice
4. Occupy
5. Blowback
6. Man Cave
7. The New Normal
8. Pet Parent
9. Win the Future
10. Trickeration
11. Ginormous
12. Thank You In Advance

For the all the lists since 1976 (the original list) click here and for a witty NPR article on the newest list click here.

Do you agree is baby bump way overused?  What else, frankly, should we be saying if not baby bump!?  Anyone have a thesaurus?

I Did A Stupid Thing

NSB is kicking off the new year with a 

new guest blogger - Lia Capri.  She's a friend and a baby crazed confidant (on some days).  I'm delighted to share her relatable, witty perspective on deciding the right time to start a family.

Disclaimer: this post contains some graphic descriptions which  may make you question (further question?) your desire to procreate.  

First, a bit of background.  I've been with my husband for nearly 7 years, married for 2.  We are in love and quickly (too quickly) approaching 30.  We both love kids and want to have a family someday (maybe someday soon).  BUT none of our friends have had children and we've found one reason after another to put off trying.  "You can't be pregnant at Brian's wedding", "it would be a sin not to drink on our trip to Vegas", "let's wait to see if that transfer comes through with your job" and so the story goes.

But as the new year approaches (post written on December 30, 2011), I think of the greatest potential milestone I (we) could reach in 2012, a precious addition to our family (I'm speaking of a baby of course, not a pet or car).  And so I realize the excuses are no longer compelling and babymaking season is upon me.  Then, with curiosity and blissful ignorance of what is before me, I did a simple search on You Tube: Childbirth.

Pretty accurate portrayal of my expression watching the youtube videos

Oh the horror!  I will spare you the details of what I witnessed in the first video I watched (yes, this masochist watched more than one!) but I'll just say that there was a lot of blood, scissors, a very large infant head, and way too much butthole.  Fortunately the sound was not on in this video, which may have spared me additional trauma.

Now, excuse me while I reserve bottle service at the club in Vegas!

By Lia Capri

Pregnant Ladies on the Train

Let's start today's afternoon post with a brief discussion on the many words that are substituted for "subway" depending on where you are in North America:

New York - Train

Chicago - L

Boston - T

San Fransisco - Bart

Atlanta - Marta

Montreal - Metro

That wasn't so much a discussion, as a list.  Moving on.  This morning on the train (reference list above), I couldn't help but notice an adorably dressed pregnant woman.  I loved everything she was wearing from her heeled suede booties to her beaded hoop earrings.  I came close to asking her where she got her striped cotton shirt (because I wanted it) until I realized that it was definitely maternity gear - she was that pregnant.

As I suppressed my need to ask about each item of her clothing, I realized that my fellow train riders were doing the opposite.  Well, not the exact opposite, which would be not suppressing their need to ask about each item of her clothing.  But, where as I was sort of stalking the hot mama-to-be, everyone else was completely avoiding her.  All eyes turned intentionally away.  Why?  Because no one wanted to give up their seat for her.  They seemed to be following the old Manhattan proverb: if you don't make eye contact, it never happened.  If they could pretend that she wasn't there, then they could pretend that they weren't assholes by making her stand while they sat.

I was standing, so I had no seat to give.  Meanwhile, many seemingly able bodied New Yorkers cozied up in their plastic chairs.  None were interested in standing, not even for a very hip and very pregnant lady.  Not one.  Ms. Preggers seemed to be following a different old proverb: if you stare at something long enough, it will eventually look back.  She glared up and down the row of commuters.  No one looked back.  Realizing that her tactic was failing, she upped the ante to belly rubbing.  She pushed aside her wool trapeze coat and started rubbing that big belly.  She was rubbing and staring and rubbing and staring.  At last, the deadly combo got some middle aged guy to stand and wave her over.  She gave a fake smile (he deserved it) and sat.  I sighed with relief and returned to considering her outfit.

Moral of the Story - If you're a pregnant woman on the subway/train/L/T/Bart/Marta/metro, don't mess around with subtle gestures.  Cut right to the belly rub and make those non-pregnant train riders feel like the assholes lazy people that they are.

Telltale Signs

Technically, us ladies are physically ready to have a baby the moment we get our first period, but it usually takes a bit longer for our hearts and brains to catch up.  When the stars align and that full mind-body-soul-readiness manifests itself, articulating the feeling can be difficult.  Being "ready" to have a baby is a funny thing.  It's a state of being, an abstract idea that can't really be described in terms of how or why it comes about.  It's like loving someone - you can describe all the things that you love about a person, but describing the emotion itself is hard (if not impossible) to do.  On the other hand, actions tend to speak louder than words (or so the saying goes) and there seem to be a few telltale signs of a "ready" person.

Fiscal prioritizing.  All of the sudden trying the hottest restaurant, buying the newest seasonal fashion trends and planning the next vacation are no longer priority.  Money is more consciously spent and more frequently saved.  Long term financial priorities take front seat and trendy must haves fall to the wayside.

Totally not grossed out.  Vomiting, pooping, boogers and drooling are no big deal.  People love holding babies.  We specifically visit babies for the opportunity to hold them, seeing our friends and family is collateral.  There's nothing better than that perfect baby smell and soft baby skin as you cuddle your new mini best friend.  But, all things come to a crashing halt when your adorable bestie spits up all over your favorite cashmere sweater.  There's usually a quick pass off to mommy and a run to the bathroom to try and minimize the damage.  When you respond by giggling and shrug that you've been in dire need to bring the sweater for a good dry cleaning anyway, that's a serious moment of truth.

Are you thinking - SO cute or SO gross?
(image here)

Virgin margaritas taste the same as the real thing, pretty much.  No one's saying that your taste for Cabernet will suddenly vanish, but the thought of not being able to drink alcohol on New Year's Eve is no longer the biggest downer in the world.

Jealousy (much like imitation) is the sincerest form of flattery.  Every toddler, baby, pregnant lady and stroller in your line of sight is noticed.  People who want to live in Paris watch French movies, eat French food and obsessively eavesdrop on strangers with French accents.  People who want to have babies follow baby blogs....ehem...watch television shows about babies and awkwardly stare at every baby and pregnant lady that crosses their path.

What are the other telltale signs that you're seeing in people around you 

or you saw in yourself when the time was right?

Look, DON'T Touch

Today's post was inspired by a good friend's awkward encounter with a rude person.  This good friend, also a good mom, read last week's post (Rude People and Socks) and immediately emailed me the following story:

My friend (Mom) is in the grocery store with her tiny, beautiful, perfect baby girl.  Baby Girl is happily hanging out in a baby carrier, checking out the tomatoes along with mom.  A woman unknown to Mom and Baby Girl approaches them in a tizzy.  Mom assumes she's overtaken by Baby Girl's adorableness (you would be, I swear she's just the cutest baby ever) and must comment.  Not so.  Woman proceeds to berate Mom for letting Baby Girl be in the grocery store without warmer clothing.  Mom isn't too ruffled, she's become familiar with aggressive advice from strangers, but it's still pretty annoying.  Then Woman grabs Baby Girl's shirt sleeves and tugs them down and around Baby Girl's fingers.  Strange, rude Woman is apparently trying to shield Baby Girl's hands from the brutal cold of the produce section.  

This may be two too many stories about rude people in the last couple weeks, but I had to share because there is a bigger story here.  Rude people will be rude people.  This is true no matter how much I complain about it (here, here and here).  New and old moms alike can learn to deal with nosy questions and inappropriate comments.  Everyone can (and must) learn to deal with social ineptness in general, because it's inescapable.  But, touching a baby without permission or touching someone else without permission (i.e. a pregnant belly) is unacceptable.

If some stranger put her paws on my non-pregnant belly I'd call her an asshole and judo chop her jugular.  I shouldn't have to explain this point, but I will: people are entitled to privacy of their person.  This is a social rule and I'm pretty sure a legal one too.  Meaning, touching a stranger's baby bump without permission is wicked rude and illegal (or should be).  The same goes for touching a baby without permission.  Just because babies are non-verbal and therefore unable to enforce their own privacy rights, doesn't mean you may take their silence as a "Sure, make my sleeves into makeshift mittens."  Unless you ask and mom gives you the green light, keep your mittens to yourself.  Period.

Speaking of mittens - I love these (by Birda, $38)

Happy NYC Marathon Day

Today is the NYC Marathon and I'm about to go watch a friend...or, rather, try to find a friend amongst the tens of thousands of people who are running this year (over 45,000 ran last year).

Thanks to Amber Miller, I'm keeping my eye out for some pregnant runners.  You may remember Ms. Miller being the 27-year-old who ran the Chicago marathon earlier this year while 39 weeks pregnant.  Shortly after running (it took her a little under 6.5 hours), she gave birth to a healthy baby girl.

This is the Miller family post marathon and childbirth.



What do you think: Crazy or Amazing?

A Miracle Baby

The birth of a healthy baby is a miracle.

This is something that one of my most favorite, most adored, most wisest people told me a long time ago.  Yes, I'm well aware that "most wisest" has several grammatical issues, but it doesn't make it an untrue statement.  This absurdly awesome person, in addition to being absurdly awesome, was and is an obstetrician/gynecologist.  He bestowed these great words of wisdom upon me a long while back.  I was a child or maybe a preteen.  Parenthood wasn't a distant thought because it wasn't a thought at all.  Yet, even being light years away from my current baby crazed self, I remember his exact words:

The birth of a healthy baby is a miracle. 

A MIRACLE.

He said it just like that, repeating "a miracle" in a loud, serious voice.  I thought that this was a silly thing to say.  I found the emphasis on "miracle" to be overly dramatic, unrealistic and cliche.  Or, as my youthful mind characterized it - yeah right.  How miraculous could it be?  I saw healthy babies everywhere everyday.  I was a healthy baby only a decade earlier.

For a reason I'll never know the words stayed with me.  Decades later I think of them often.  Nowadays, it seems I think of them almost daily.  Babies are on my brain and the subject of conversation with so many of my friends who are trying to have them or already do.  With each casual chat and heartfelt discussion, these words weave through my thoughts without choice.

Each friend's pregnancy announcement has been a rush of excitement and each chubby cheeked baby face is breathtaking.  The joys of this time in my life, the baby crazed time, have been immense.  They have also been miraculous.  What I didn't know as a young girl, is that it can be difficult to become pregnant, not every baby survives the first trimester much less the entire gestational period, babies that are carried to full term and their mothers alike can suffer medical complications along the way and not every baby is born healthy.  There are an infinite number of obstacles and hurdles when it comes to pregnancy and babies.  I didn't know about these worrisome, painful, devastating realities.

While I'd much rather focus on the chubby cheeks than the possible difficulties, I can now appreciate the true miraculousness of it all.  I have even repeated the phrase on more than one occasion.  You've read it twice just in this post.

Wise people say the most wisest things.