Sharing Is Caring and Much More

This weekend a good friend forwarded me the link to an article about teaching your toddler to share...or not. The thesis of the article was something like: There's an overemphasis on teaching kids to share because, in the real world, sharing ain't all that relevant. If you don't want to click over to the article and read it in full (here), I'll give you the highlights. The author's child goes to a school where the policy is that a child uses a toy until she is finished and does not have to prematurely give up said toy just for the sake of sharing. The author likes this policy and believes it accurately reflects life. An example that she gives: you can't just walk up to a stranger and take their sunglasses or phone because it's your turn.

Well, I firmly disagree with the thesis (though I agree that you can't nab a strangers sunglasses, no matter how much you want them and feel truly deserving of them). The premise that sharing isn't a practical skill is hogwash. I share all day, every day, every minute, constantly. We all do. We share offices and time with the barrista at Starbucks and space in the elevator and books at the library. People job share and carpool. When it comes to friends and family, I share dresses and punch bowls and bicycles and wallpaper steamers. Sharing is fantastic (and environmentally friendly).

But the real point, which is why I think the article kinda sucks (there I said it), is that sharing teaches patience. Sharing is a vehicle for the lesson rather than the lesson itself. By asking your child to use a toy and then share it, you're asking her to be patient, fight the instinct of "ME, NOW" and wait her turn. While you may not agree with my characterization of waiting to order your Starbucks latte as "sharing", you can certainly agree with my assertion that patience is possibly the most important lesson of all. It's not just a virtue, it's life. And whether your little one is patient, or not, she will be required to wait on a daily basis from now until infinite. 

So, back to the toy policy at the author's school (which I kind of like by the way), whether the author believes it or not, this policy requires sharing. At some point, all toys are put down, if only because school is over. And you can damn well bet that if Timmy made Tommy wait all afternoon to use the ball on Monday that Tommy is beating Timmy to the ball on Tuesday and making him wait all afternoon. So whether it's in five minute intervals or alternating afternoons, sharing is happening at her child's school and it's a good thing because it teaches patience.

Friggen Torture Chamber

The following parenting adventure was experienced by my friend, Jane*, mother of two:

It's a lovely winter morning in New England. Lovely means 25 degrees with the wind chill making it feel like 10 degrees (above 0, yay!) and just enough sunshine to identify the ice on the road. Jane and her two daughters head to meet Mary and her two sons at an indoor playground. Jane's daughters, Jennifer and Amy, are 2.5 years and 4 months, respectively. Mary's sons, Robert and Michael, are 3 years and 1 year, respectively. The plan is to enjoy the ball pits and ride along cars for a while, then get pizza for lunch. Jane and Mary haven't seen each other in a while, so they're looking forward to catching up while the kids tire themselves out and work up an appetite.

The indoor playground is packed, to an insane and slightly intimidating extent. Everyone must take off their shoes and put on a wristband before entering. Then, the free-for-all begins. The volume and sheer chaos makes it impossible for Jane and Mary to hear each other, much less talk. It also makes it impossible for Jane and Mary to successfully monitor their kids. The little ones, Amy and Michael, are strapped to their mother's chests in carriers, but the walkers are off and running and out of sight.

After an hour of losing both kids, repeatedly, Jane decides that she's had enough and explains to Jennifer that it's time to leave. Jennifer decides that the fun has just begun and launches into a vicious tantrum, refusing to leave. Within seconds, Jennifer's hysterics are beyond anything that Jane has previously experienced. Jennifer screams and kicks and flings a plastic toy. The toy bashes sleeping Amy square on the head, waking her up and launching her into a fit of her own. Embarrassed and shocked, Jane grabs hysterical Jennifer with one arm and drags her to the entrance. It's a full blown wresting match as Jane tries to get Jennifer's shoes on and then her own. Meanwhile, Amy is still hysterically crying from unknown cranial damage. At some point during the tussle, Jennifer grabs Jane's iPhone and unintentionally FaceTime's one of Jane's friends. Amid the noise of a bazillion kids "playing", Amy sobbing, Jennifer screaming and Jane struggling to get on their shoes...and coats and hats and mittens...Jane looks down to see the face of her bewildered friend who is watching the scene unfold. Jane says nothing and ends the call.

Somehow, Mary sees Jane and the wrestling match and corrals Robert to the front as well. Only luck can explain how they all exit the premises with no major injuries and no lost shoes. Because the mothers had no opportunity to catch up at the playground, and because they're complete masochists, they decide to get pizza as planned. At the restaurant, the younger ones are back to a calm state, but the older ones are climbing everywhere. Rather than tire them out, the indoor playground has brought out endless, psychotic energy. When the pizza arrives, they all inhale a couple slices and Mary asks for the check. It's around this time that Robert barfs all over the table. Several times. He covers himself, Mary and the surrounding area. It's everywhere. The mothers try to clean up while soothing Robert who is now sobbing, calming Jennifer who asks, "Mommy, what happened?" no less than 50 times, and not puking themselves.

The story basically ends there. They clean up as much as they can and part ways. My friend, Jane, described the indoor playground as a "friggen torture chamber" and the entire experience as a nightmare, but also said that she had to laugh. It wasn't a fun afternoon, but it was memorable one. And, in retrospect, it was really funny.

*Names have been changed for the privacy of these heroic mothers and their children

Meathole of the Week

Who watches Watch What Happens Live?  I'm a Real Housewives fanatic and WWHL comes on after every episode (of every season) so I often find myself tuning in.  I also happen to get a kick out of the host Andy Cohen.  Every episode Andy announces his "mazel of the day" and his "jackhole of the day" - the former gives praise, the latter not so much - to different people, places and things in pop-culture.

Last week I read a headline on People.com that irked me.  A lot.  So much so that I decided to bite off of Andy Cohen's nightly ritual on WWHL and announce my own jackhole (renamed meathole) of the week.  This week's meathole is Hilary Duff and the headline below is the reason why she's won the title.

Hilary Duff: Labor with Luca Was 'Very Easy'  

I cringed and rolled my eyes upon seeing the obnoxious headline, but then forced myself to read the article in case my reaction was premature.  My hope was that Ms. Duff's quote was taken out of context and she actually said something like this: labor was of course painful and a bit chaotic, but it was 'very easy' compared to some nightmare stories that I've heard.  Not so much.  All quotes in the article were taken from Hilary's recent appearance on the Ellen DeGeneres show (a video clip was included in the People.com article), so there was no mincing of words.  Not only did Hilary brag about labor being easy as pie, but she also noted that her newborn Luca sleeps all night without issue.  She says, "it's possible ladies!" in that condescending I'm-Oprah-and-I'm-teaching-you-a-lesson tone.

Pah-lease.  Hilary Duff is not only a first time mom, but she's friggin Lizzie Maguire.  Not Oprah.  Her whole interview felt like a woman who looks like Adriana Lima revealing that she survives on a diet of french fries and ice cream, and never works out.  "Oh no!  I couldn't sacrifice chocolate.  The horror.  I'm just blessed with good genes," says Ms. Skinny Supermodel.  It's not that doubt that some people do have stellar DNA or that some women do have relatively easy labor.  Oh contraire.  I believe it.  What bugs me is the bragging.  Nobody likes a bragger.  Nobody.

Baby Luca (from Hilary's Instagram)

So, congrats to Hilary Duff for being Super Mom of the Year and for being Meathole of the Week.