It's Time to Talk About the TIME Cover

As my good friend WW would say, Get Serious.  It's time, once again, to talk about extended breastfeeding thanks to the latest edition of TIME magazine.  Last Thursday, the new TIME came out and all the media outlets were (and still are) buzzing about the cover photo.  Within hours of the cover's public release, I was receiving emails, text messages, Facebook wall posts and carrier pigeon mail suggesting that I discuss the cover on NSB.  It was hysterical and greatly appreciated.  Sometimes my creative juices simply don't flow, so I genuinely love post suggestions.  And, like in this case, when suggestions for a single topic come in droves, it also helps me understand what's hot.

And here's the close up...

While I don't particularly enjoy writing about extended breastfeeding (remember my twitter fight on the subject?), I'm willing to share my non-expert opinion when the moment strikes.  So, once again, let's get serious.

I first saw the above image on Morning Joe, my weekly a.m. ritual.  My first reaction was "woah" accompanied by a need to flip the channel (I'm being honest here, not intending to offend).  My first full thought, which was admittedly super cynical, is that the mom on the cover is in amazing shape and I wondered whether her motivation for extended breastfeeding is the weight loss benefits.  For those who don't know, breastfeeding burns calories.  I'm talking hundreds of calories.  There's a Sex in the City episode in which Miranda's co-worker breastfeeds her 5-year-old because she doesn't want to get back into a gym routine.

I haven't read the TIME article, but I have read a lot of the support and backlash that it has received.  And there's a lot on both ends.  First, I think that the majority (from both sides of the fence) found the cover image to be shocking, if not exploitive.  I also think most agree that was the point - get people talking.  So, well done TIME, mission accomplished.  I have no doubt that magazine sales sky rocketed for this month.

Next, do I have anything useful to say about the substance of the article?  Hmmm.  Not really because, again, I didn't read it.  But I'm going to attempt an opinion anyway.  The premise of the article is that extended breastfeeding is part of Attachment Parenting.  I had never heard the term "attachment parenting" so I'm going to assume that some of you haven't either and define it as best I can.  Attachment Parenting is a parenting style that aims to foster a relationship between a child and a primary caregiver so that normal social and emotional development can occur (thanks Wikipedia).  To me, this sounds like a run-of-the-mill parenting skill - bond with your child.  I dug deeper and learned that attachment parenting encourages a number of specific ways in which the parent/child relationship should be fostered, one of which includes extended breastfeeding.

I'm not sure how you feel after reading the above paragraph, but it didn't get me any closer to feeling comfortable with the TIME cover.  It did, however, help me to think of extended breastfeeding as a parenting style, just like forms of discipline and rules about picking your nose.  And when it comes to parenting styles, there are infinite theories and experts (many of which conflict).  So, in my non-expert and highly humble opinion, the lesson to be learned here is to each her own.  Each parent can (and should) choose a style that works best for the parent and for the child.  Maybe the style will be guided by the tenets of Attachment Parenting or maybe the style will be guided by something else (i.e. gut instinct, Oprah, etc.). 

It's like this: New Yorkers love to talk about how to get around.  There's a constant comparison of this highway to that thruway - she takes the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway, he takes the FDR, I always avoid the Major Deegan.  Everyone thinks their route is the best, but who really knows.  At the end of the day, there are many ways to get from Brooklyn to the Bronx.  And there are many ways to raise a socially and emotionally normal child.

Three Months of Experience

Guest Blogger Alfie Toner is back!  And I'm so grateful that she is.  (Click HERE to read her first guest post)  As a seasoned mother of two, she has lots of parenting experience.  But, what about those first few weeks with her first child?  Even experienced mothers were inexperienced at one time.

Does three months of doing something equal "experienced"?  If you dig a ditch for three months, you can pretty much say you're an experienced ditch digger.  But, how about if you perform surgery or fight crime for three months - would you say you're an experienced surgeon or police officer?  If you play golf for three months are you an experienced golfer?

I recently reminisced with my sister about newborn babies.  Thirty some years ago, her daughter was born three months before my daughter.  I remember watching her with her newborn baby during the last three months of my pregnancy from the vantage point of a childless mom-to-be.  She let me try diapering my niece.  I was completely inept.  It was a disposable diaper, made to the right size and shape with sticky tab closures, but I struggled terribly.  Folding a piece of cloth and opening large safety pins near my helpless, wriggling niece would have been dangerous.  Meanwhile, my sister seemed able to change a diaper blindfolded.  I was in awe of her skill, confidence and ease as a mother.

We remembered nursing our babies together a few months later, when my daughter was a 4-week-old newborn and my niece was a fast growing 4-month-old.  My sister settled herself on a kitchen chair, lowered her top, unsnapped her nursing bra and let the baby lean in to latch.  Within a moment, mother and baby were happily bonding and nursing.  Meanwhile, I set up in a big arm chair and got pillows to prop up my elbows.  I put a cloth diaper in arms reach for clean up and burping, and made sure a clock was in clear view to track the length of time my daughter would spend on each breast.  I prepared a glass of grape juice to replenish my fluids and wondered how I would get to it without spilling if I needed to reach with my left hand.  I thought about the last feeding four hours earlier and remembered that I had started the baby on my left breast, so I should start her on my right breast this time.  I made sure my daughter was swaddled, then propped her up and fidgeted to unbutton my blouse.  A few minutes later, the actual nursing had finally begun.  I kept one eye on the baby and one eye on the clock.

My sister watched me as she sat contentedly bonding with her daughter.  Once I had officially settled, she asked what the heck I was doing?!  I explained that the baby book instructed me to sit in a comfortable place, have everything at hand and allow the baby to feed for a certain number of minutes on each side.  I was watching the clock because I didn't want to miss the moment when I had to switch my daughter to the other side.  My sister smiled and gently mentioned that strict adherence was probably unnecessary.

Laughing at this memory all these years later, I remarked at what a natural mother my sister had been as she comfortably guided me to relax and enjoy the bonding experience.  She told me that it only felt that way because she had a whole three month of nursing experience, she was three months ahead of me in knowing how to care for a baby.  Only three months or, perhaps, a whole three months.  I guess when it comes to some things, three months most definitely qualifies as "experienced".

A Little Boob Goes A Long Way

I've gotten myself into some hot water.  Or, hot breast milk.

I'm new to twitter.  For the most part, I haven't a clue as to how it works.  But I'm learning and it's been a little bit of trial by fire.  In an effort to draw attention to my new twitter self, I engaged in the following exchange last week:

@MommyNews:  Think 'extended' breastfeeding (past 1 year) is wrong? Well, Michael Jordan was breastfed to age THREE.

@NextStopBaby:  @MommyNews wrong is a little judgy...perhaps socially taboo is better? Or WEIRD (ok, I'll be judgy)

@MommyNews:  @NextStopBaby I nursed my son until just before his 4th birthday - so clearly I don't think it is wrong, taboo or WEIRD

@NextStopBaby: @MommyNews with that, I can understand why you don't.  Different strokes for different folks.

Initially (read: 5 seconds after the above occurred), I regretted the exchange.  I felt like a twitter bully for stirring up trouble with my snarky remark.  A week later, the only thing I regret is my approach.  I should have been more intelligent in my choice of audience.  Turns out that @MommyNews describes herself as a "Breastfeeding Advocate" and there's no debating the issue with a woman who breastfed her child until he could ask for her boob with spoken (and probably written) words.  Meanwhile, she probably realized that there is no advocating for extended breastfeeding to a woman who's never had a baby, much less breastfed.

But, my opinion - that breastfeeding at a certain age becomes weird - is genuine.  I'm not sure what that age is, but I do feel (wicked) uncomfortable at the thought of a four-year-old politely asking to nurse and his mother responding that she first wants to hear about his day of school.  I just shouldn't have directed this feeling at some who has a decidedly different perspective.

Breastfeeding is an important parenting choice.  One that is personal and unique to the mother and baby and, as a result, one that should be sensitively considered.  Like I tweeted, I don't think there is a wrong answer, but there are certainly diverging opinions that simply can't be reconciled.  And that's okay.

Mental Notes:

• Breastfeeding is no joking matter and there's no point in slinging breastmilk in either direction
• Lay a little lower in the twittersphere

Unique Baby Essentials

Another post about things I didn't (until now) know about pregnancy and babies.  This post has a special dedication to odd baby products that assist with odd needs of a new parent.  Needs that I never could have imagined exist.

Let's get started with nursing pads.  For women who choose to breastfeed, the first few months can produce some leakage.  Seriously.  Hence the invention of nursing pads.  They are small, circular pads that slip into a bra.   They prevent public incident (think partial wet t-shirt contest) and breast milk stains...which are apparently hard to remove.  Here are a few awesome things about these (below) nursing pads: they are made from natural and organic fabrics, they are machine washable, the maker (Rebourne) is an awesome Etsy crafter who would love to answer any questions you have about nursing pads, and if you use the Coupon Code "nextstopbaby" you will get 15% off!!! 

Next up, the Pee-Pee Teepee.  This is a little (very little) fabric cone.  It addresses the hazard of a baby boy's uncontrollable urination.  When the diaper is removed there is an instant and significant golden shower risk.  I suppose goggles would also work, but it's much easier to proactively stop the problem at its source than reactively clean the pee out of your clothes, carpet and teeth.  These Pee-Pee Teepees from Uncommon Goods are for "The Sprinkling Wee-Wee."  They are available in regular and organic cotton and they come in a mini laundry bag.

Last on the list (for now) is The Woombie.  A great name for a great invention.  My layman (read: non-parent) definition of swaddle is the act of bundling your baby in a blanket.  It's actually a lot more serious than that.  A true swaddle is a tight wrap that firmly binds the baby's arms against his or her body.  Like a mini straight jacket.  It looks a little creepy, but is very healthy for the baby.  It mimics the condition of the womb, which leads to better sleeping, better self-soothing, easier body temperature regulation and reduction of colic and general fussiness.  The Woombie is the ultimate swaddle tool.  Look at how content that little one is!

This is the Paprika colored no leg woombie.
There are color options,
organic options and leg/no leg options