Top 10 Ways to Get Over Being Baby Crazy

You know how funny I find the random and sometimes disturbing search phrases that bring people to Next Stop Baby (click here for my shrine to these phrases).  Lately I've been getting a lot of "baby crazy" phrases including those below:

how to get over being baby crazy

stop baby crazy


stop baby crasy


signs he is baby crazy

I combined my love of Stuff People Google with my love of Top 10 lists in today's post.  Here are the Top 10 ways to get over being baby crazy (for at least a little):

1. Change a baby's diaper approximately 3 hours after he or she has eaten a whole bunch of carrots.

2. Immediately (NOW) stop drinking coffee (and all caffeinated drinks), stop drinking alcohol (including wine) and give yourself 6 hours of sleep each night, split into 2 chunks of 3 hours.

3.  Babysit 3-month-old twins.

4. Watch the finale (if you will) of the Miracle of Life in slow motion. 

5. Ask a friend to simulate spitting up on your shoulder.  To make it as accurate as possible the spit up content should be milk or...better yet...cream.  I just gagged a little, it's working.

6. Listen to the video below on repeat, for an hour.

7. Load a backpack with 30 pounds of books, wear said backpack as a frontpack (on your chest instead of your back) and take a ride on the subway during rush hour.  Sitting is cheating.

8. Check out the Baby Cost Calculator at BabyCenter.com, which estimates how much your baby will cost you in the first year.  If just looking at that crazy thing doesn't scare the britches off you, then go ahead and try to fill it out...

9. Grab a slice of pizza at any Chuck E. Cheese around 12:30 pm on a Saturday afternoon.

10. Click here to learn the urbandictionary.com definition of episiotomy.  Get ready to read the word poontang.

Top 10 Signs Someone is NOT Baby Crazy

This post is the answer to last week's Top 10 Signs That You Are Baby Crazed.  For as many of my friends who are baby crazed there are an equal number who are baby averse (for now).  Okay, maybe not an equal number...but a good handful.  Here are ten easy ways to determine if your friend is less than crazy about babies:


1.  She thought Dora the Explorer was the name of a porn star.

2.  Every time she sees a toddler with food remnants smeared on his/her face, she turns to you and does the finger point into her wide open mouth.  And, as if that universal symbol for making yourself throw up isn't enough, she says, "Gross.  Why can't people clean their children?  Gross."

3.  When you arrive at the designated wine bar to share a Thursday night happy hour, she's aggravated and wants to leave because the waiter informed her that they don't have any liquor for shots.

4.  She's never changed a diaper.

5.  Knocked Up is the scariest movie of all time.  The Ring?  That was just silly.

6.  She programmed her cellphone to sound like a crying baby when her boss calls.  Every time her boss calls she instinctively screams.

7.  She refuses to eat at restaurants that have a designated kid's menu.

8.  It's annoying that her older brother made her the Godmother of his first child because this probably means she'll have to babysit.

9.  She has "accidentally" worn black to every baby shower she's ever attended.

10.  In addition to being on the pill, she has a supply of condoms from Costco.  And, for good measure, she's read up on the "rhythm method" in order to practice the opposite. 

Top 10 Signs That You Are Baby Crazed

The premise of my career as a blogger is the baby craze.  It's the time in one's life when the rush of weddings has passed and all minds turn to babies.  Or, from my experience, the time in life when female minds turn to babies and male minds hone their dodge and weave tactics. 

How can you be sure that you've crossed into The Baby Craze?  I'll tell you...

1.  You casually exchange the word "sex" for the phrase "baby makin' time".

2.  You purchase random and deeply discounted baby products (though you don't have a baby).  In doing so, you don't think, "Wow, I'm officially a crazy, crazy hoarder and I belong on TLC."  No, you don't.  You DO think, "Wow, I'd be a crazy, crazy idiot not to take advantage of this deal given how many baby showers are in my near future...including, possibly, maybe my own."

3.  Every time you see a baby, even one of those tantrum-throwing, ear-piercing, nose-filled-with-boogers, smelly ones, you give an audible "Awwwwww!"

4.  You refuse to take vacation because it makes more sense to save up your vacation time...for when the baby is eventually conceived and ultimately born.   

5.  Admittedly, prenatal vitamins would be premature given that you're not actually trying to get pregnant.  But adding some Flintstones gummy vitamins to your daily routine is totally different. 

6.  You keep and add to a list of restaurants that are baby/child-friendly.

7.  You skip an invitation to see the latest romantic comedy at the theatre because you're into rewatching your favorite childhood movies from the comfort of your couch.

8.  Regardless of what's hot in the fashion world, you find yourself drawn to empire waist tops and shift dresses. 

9.  One out of every four conversations in which you actively participate involves baby names.

10.  You're not "there" yet, but you secretly are.

What other telltale signs can you think of?  How can you identify a baby crazed person?  Why do you know that you're baby crazed?