Back then (a whole 6 months ago), I found it irritating when people would say they were "trying" and/or "officially trying" to get pregnant. Here is the summary of what I would have written back in February:
The only thing more annoying than someone saying "we're trying" to get pregnant is someone saying "we're officially trying" to get pregnant. First, both phrases are interchangeable with "we're having a lot of unprotected sex." But, of course, pregnant feigning people aren't generally comfortable making the latter statement. THIS JUST IN: The word "trying" doesn't fool me, I know what you mean and I know what you're doing. If you're ready to have a baby and ready to be a parent, just say that. Second, whether you wear a badge or captain hat or princess tiara, unprotected sex is the same as unprotected sex...is the same as unprotected sex. It's all officially unprotected. You may be able to convince yourself that there's a difference between trying and officially trying, but you can't convince me.
Okay, okay, okay...I may not have been quite that snarky, but you get the gist of my former perspective. My current perspective is quite different, perhaps opposing.
Trying
People use the word trying because it makes sense. One doesn't decide to be pregnant. There's no snap, poof, you're pregnant! It truly is an effort. Yes, an effort involving unprotected sex, but we're all grown ups here. Becoming pregnant can take a while and the word "trying" signals family and friends that you're in the process of reaching a goal, but you're not there yet.
Official v. Unofficial
The official versus unofficial differentiation is important. Official and unofficial trying describe the same act, but different frames of mind. A couple who is unofficially trying is the college student who figures that showing up to 75% of the classes will earn a passing C. The couple who is officially trying is the college student who goes to every class (10 minutes early), studies every night and asks for extra credit assignments. The only thing these students have is common is that neither wants to fail.
Not officially trying describes a readiness to become parents, but leaving fate to determine the time frame. Officially trying describes a readiness to become parents, now. When a woman in the unofficial couple gets her period - no big deal, it wasn't in the cards this month. When the woman in the official couple gets her period...complete devastation. That's a HUGE difference. A huge, official difference.
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| use of one of these means officially preventing  (image HERE) |
I always hear the words "lots of unprotected sex" when someone says "trying." But, nowadays, I don't mind.
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If you've taken a shot every time you've read the words "unprotected sex" then you're pretty wasted by now. Cheers. |
6 comments:
Ah ah! You got it! I remember reading that post thinking there is a difference between officially and unofficially and you just described it perfect;D But still sounds silly when people say it.
You've got a great blog btw!
"Officially Trying" does not sound like much fun. Calendars and stop watches come to mind. I tend to think that a watched pot (or uterus) never boils.
"Officially trying" also involves monitoring your cycle and ovulation and "doing it" when you aren't necessarily in the mood and laying with your legs over your head in an awkward position after you've "done the deed" instead of a post-sex cuddle, and not drinking or engaging in risky behavior even apart from "sexy times". I think that abstaining from drinking will be the toughest part of "trying" for me!
Suzy - Thanks and thanks!
WW - I think it's a personality thing. Some people can't help but watch the paint dry and some people can't bare to watch the paint dry.
Lia Capri - Totally! There is a whole lot involved in trying other than the unprotected sex...you may have inspired a whole new post. OR, maybe you've inspired a guest post?!
Great Post Leah! I have issues with the word "trying" as well (too visual, in my opinion). Lately when people ask me when we're going to start making babies, I use the phrase "it's on the radar". Weird, I know, but for some strange reason it pacifies them really well. I get a smile and a little head nod, and then they drop it. Works like a charm.
This made me smile. My husband likes to tell people that our 3rd baby was an "accident" because we "weren't trying". Which I don't agree with, as we agreed for me to stop taking the pill - which equals trying in my book. Maybe 'unofficially trying'. As with our 1st we did the temping and such and by the 3rd it was more like "whatever - it might happen or it might not".
I do cringe a little when people tell me that they are trying. :P
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