A Whole Nother Meaning for Crimson Wave

Let's head back to 1995 and reminisce about Clueless.  The word timeless comes to mind.  We were introduced to Suck and Blow and plaid blazers.  We learned that "the valley" was a bad, bad place.  And, though we knew it was more than just inappropriate, we rooted for step-siblings to get their french kiss on.  It was one of the best movies of the year and it is one of the most quotable movies of all time...if you were a teen female in 1995.   Being that I fit into that category, one of my favorite Clueless quotes is when Cher (Alicia Silverstone) says "I was surfing the crimson wave.  I had to haul ass to the ladies'."

Here's the trailer.  CLASSIC.

At first I didn't understand what "crimson wave" meant.  When a savvy friend explained that it was akin to "time of the month" and "monthly gift" (lame), I immediately added it to my repertoire.  Why say "I got my period" when you can say "I'm surfing the crimson wave"?

Years and years...and years...later, I've coined an alternative meaning for "surfing the crimson wave": getting drunk on red wine when you find out you're not pregnant.  I'll start from the top.  Trying to get pregnant is quite involved, and I don't just mean the sex part.  There's also the no alcohol part.  I think most of us know that alcohol is a bit of a no-no when pregnant, especially in the first trimester.  But one doesn't usually know the instant she becomes pregnant, which can lead to having an innocent dirty martini (or three) while being pregnant.  With this in mind, I have several friends who've decided to stay sober during the "trying" phase in order to eliminate the accidental drinking while pregnant scenario.

If trying isn't successful (aka you get your period), alcohol is a go...at least until you have unprotected sex again.  And so, with the crimson wave as we know it from Clueless comes the crimson wave as I've coined it - a whole hell of a lot of red wine.  My precautious friends lay off the sauce until they get their period, then wham: bring on the wine while the coast is clear! (Aka surf that crimson wave!)

While there are clear differences between Cher's version of the crimson wave and mine, both definitions could require some hauling ass to the bathroom.