Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Top 10 Signs Someone is NOT Baby Crazy

This post is the answer to last week's Top 10 Signs That You Are Baby Crazed.  For as many of my friends who are baby crazed there are an equal number who are baby averse (for now).  Okay, maybe not an equal number...but a good handful.  Here are ten easy ways to determine if your friend is less than crazy about babies:

1.  She thought Dora the Explorer was the name of a porn star.

2.  Every time she sees a toddler with food remnants smeared on his/her face, she turns to you and does the finger point into her wide open mouth.  And, as if that universal symbol for making yourself throw up isn't enough, she says, "Gross.  Why can't people clean their children?  Gross."

3.  When you arrive at the designated wine bar to share a Thursday night happy hour, she's aggravated and wants to leave because the waiter informed her that they don't have any liquor for shots.

4.  She's never changed a diaper.

5.  Knocked Up is the scariest movie of all time.  The Ring?  That was just silly.

6.  She programmed her cellphone to sound like a crying baby when her boss calls.  Every time her boss calls she instinctively screams.

7.  She refuses to eat at restaurants that have a designated kid's menu.

8.  It's annoying that her older brother made her the Godmother of his first child because this probably means she'll have to babysit.

9.  She has "accidentally" worn black to every baby shower she's ever attended.

10.  In addition to being on the pill, she has a supply of condoms from Costco.  And, for good measure, she's read up on the "rhythm method" in order to practice the opposite. 

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