Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Other Stick That You Pee On

Raise your hand if you've heard of an ovulation test?

Last week, my hand would have remained in my bag of pretzels.  This week, my hand is half raised to about earlobe height.  Over the weekend I was involved in two completely separate conversations that discussed ovulation tests.  Well, others discussed and I listened.  For those of you who (like myself last week) have never heard of an ovulation test, I'll start by relaying some information from my most valued resource. 

Though Urban Dictionary does not have a definition for "ovulation test" it does have a definition for "you wastin' my minutes" that includes the term "ovulation test":

Definition - when your mom or a needy ex calls and don't want to talk to them. it's simple and get's the point across without feeling like an ass after.
Example Usage - "i would love to sit and talk about why i'm not home/why $50 is missing out of your purse/why there was an ovulation test in the trash/how much you want me back/why you should not kill yourself, but you wastin my minutes."

I doubt that assisted your understanding.  At all.  Fortunately, the name is pretty self explanatory.  It's a test used by a woman to determine when she ovulates.  Much like the better known pregnancy test, it also involves peeing on a stick.  Ovulation tests are apparently 99% accurate in identifying the surge of a hormone (LH), which indicates ovulation.  I'm not sure that translates to being 99% accurate in identifying ovulation, but there seems to be some sound scientific methodology at work. 

Take note:
and "Over 99% Accurate"
Clearblue isn't messing around.

If you're thinking to yourself, what ever happened to the old fashion way (read: having a lot of unprotected sex)?  I'm with you.  But, here is where I think this new fashion way comes in handy.  First, if a couple tries the old fashion way for a while and it doesn't work, an ovulation test is a nice over-the-counter option before making an appointment with the gyno.  Next, some couples are ready when they are ready and wanna hit it out of the park in a single swing.  There's no shame in playing to win.  Last, some couples want (or need) to time their pregnancy.  For example, a teacher might want to aim for a July pregnancy when school is out.  Or a graduate student might need to squeeze her due date between final examinations and the start of her post-graduation job.  I don't see any words of "guarantee" on the Clearblue box, but in some cases it's better than poking around in the dark...or is it?  Sorry, couldn't resist.

For those who have used ovulation tests - Do they work?  Are they complicated?  Do you find yourself chugging Sunny D like Juno because you're constantly peeing on sticks?

It ain't no Etch A Sketch,
it's an ovulation test.

No comments: