Thursday, September 27, 2012

A Difficult Dilemma Between Friends

There is a clear difference between baby crazed individuals and non-baby crazed individuals.  The more crazy the former gets, the more glaring the difference.  Being a baby crazed individual, I must consciously simmer myself around non-baby crazed friends.  I intentionally guide my conversational instincts toward movies, work, and noteworthy happenings on my commute (versus names, baby shower tales and family planning discussions).  Sometimes I slip up, but that usually only happens when I'm around other baby crazed individuals.  The joining forces of multiple baby crazed ladies can be explosive...and super the non-baby crazed.  But, all-in-all, controlling the baby talk is doable.

It's two baby crazed individuals (Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott) 
with their crew of babies.  There's actually one missing, their new son Finn.  
Side note: healthy wishes to Tori, who was recently hospitalized 
due to complications from her c-section with Finn.  

Let's up the stakes from a conversation between a baby crazed and non-baby crazed lady to a conversation between a pregnant woman and a woman who has been desperately trying to get pregnant for some time.  You just cringed when you read that, right?  The contrast here is far more glaring.  The mama-to-be can't very well deny her state of being, especially if her bump is in full effect.  The non-pregnant lady can't very well deny her desire to be pregnant, especially if it was well known before Miss Preggers found herself knocked up.

Simmering baby talk to a non-baby crazed friend is easy enough.  Simmering baby talk to a non-pregnant lady (or anyone), when your bump is touching your bowl of soup, is not so easy.  So, what does a pregnant lady do?  Not talk about babies at all and ignore her twitching belly?  Meanwhile, what does a non-pregnant-and-desperate-to-be lady do?  Not ask the courteous, obvious questions?  Avoid pregnant people altogether? 

Italian wedding soup.  My favorite.

It's a difficult dilemma requiring some serious sensitivities.  With so many of my friends having babies, being pregnant, being baby crazed and wanting to become parents, this difficult dilemma has popped up on more than one occasion.  It's never easy to manage - not from inside the dilemma or even as an onlooker.  But, the one thing I have learned is to let the non-pregnant lady guide the way.  If she wants to avoid all contact for a while, let her, and if she doesn't want to ask the courteous, obvious questions, let her.  She's not trying to offend or be selfish, she's just coping.

When wedding season is over, there is a ranging spectrum of interests and desires when it comes to being baby crazy and starting a family.  Be conscious of that range.  No matter where you fall on the spectrum, it's healthy for you and important for friendships to avoid tunnel vision.  Be the change you wish to see in the world...okay, that's totally unrelated, but it felt like a natural conclusion to this deep-ish thoughts post.


kendall said...

ive just become baby crazed. trying to simmer until after our wedding! i love this post!

Kroogle said...

Very well said, as always!