Round Two: Surprise...or Not

When you were pregnant with your first, you have a sort of clean canvas upon which to decide whether you would find out the baby's gender.  Or not.  You consider a bunch of things, but mostly you go with your gut (i.e. I NEED TO KNOW...or surprises are the best).  Now, you're pregnant with bambino numero dos and you're once again faced with the decision to find out the baby's gender or not.

This time around, the canvas ain't blank.  In fact, this time around, the canvas is completely splattered and smudged and smeared with the loving art of your firstborn.  So, the considerations you had when making the determination with your first are probably going to be different than this time around.

For starters, whether you decided to find out the gender of your firstborn or not, you now know that he is a he or she is a she.  So, you now have gender specific things all over your house - clothes, shoes, toys, bedding, gear and countless other miscellaneous baby accoutrement.  Whether you wanted to or not, you've been gifted and otherwise accumulated lots and lots of girly or boy-ey (?) stuff.  If baby number two is the opposite gender, you may find yourself needing to (or wanting to) purchase some stuff that suits his or her gender.

They (tropical5 on Etsy) makes pacifiers that are blinged out with Swarovski gems.
You may want to go with something less...pink and sparkly for your baby boy.  Maybe.

There's also the fact that baby number one is around for this pregnancy.  Baby number one is following along, on some level, and may benefit from knowing baby number two's gender.  You may benefit from using baby number two's gender in your readying of baby number one for this major life transition.  Or,

And, what about the logistics involved with where baby number two will set up shop for the long run?  If you're going to have two kiddos of the same gender, it might be in your plan for them to share a bedroom.  Two kiddos of opposite gender may influence you to give everyone their own space.  This sort of decision is nice to make in advance because it gives everyone some time to emotionally adjustment and it gives you time to physically get the space ready.  

Perhaps the lavender decor is too girly for your baby boy?  

Perhaps the airplane decor is too boy-ey for your baby girl?

I didn't find out the gender of my firstborn.  I was miserable about it for the first trimester and most of the second...just desperate to know what my husband and I had decided not to know.  About halfway through my second trimester the desperation simmered.  By my third trimester I was pretty excited that we had kept it a surprise.  On the day that my daughter arrived, I was already sure that we would keep baby number two's gender a surprise as well.  I wonder if my mind will change when the time comes...



  

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I'm not talking about Christmas, although Christmas is a wonderful time of the year.  I am talking about the best time of year to have a baby.

Before we get into a serious discussion on this topic, we have to acknowledge that you can't actually control your baby's birthday.  Even with a scheduled C-section, you're still limited to a window of time, meaning that your OB won't let you have a C-section on July 4th if your due date isn't until October 15th.  Aside from your lack of control over the delivery, there's also your lack of control as to when you ovulate and when fertilization occurs.  Basically, we're about to have a pointless conversation.

Now that that's out of the way, let's dive in.  If you were able to choose your baby's birthday, you may want to consider some of the following:

• Fall Babies are Wicked Smart - Respected studies out of the UK show that babies born in September, October and November are the highest achievers, both academically and socially.  Read more here.
• Summers Off - Teachers and students often want/need to have a summer baby and preferably an early June baby.
• Time to Lose the Baby Weight - Babies born in the fall or winter give you a good chunk of time to lose the baby weight before it's bathing suit season.
• Maternity Clothes Wardrobe - If you're at your most pregnant during winter months in a cold part of the world, your maternity clothes investment can be significant.  You need coats and sweaters and pants.  And if your feet widen you need a couple pairs of shoes or boots.  If you're at your most pregnant in the summer, all you'll need are some cheap cotton dresses and flip flops.
• Holy Hot Flash - While summer maternity clothes are the cheapest and easiest, there are some obvious disadvantages to being extremely pregnant in extreme heat.  Public transportation and non-air conditioned spaces are hell.
• Winter Holidays With a Newborn - Having a baby in the fall means his/her first holiday celebration is right around the corner.  This may mean traveling with your newborn.  This may mean hosting a bunch of family and friends while caring for your newborn.  This may mean exposing your newborn to all sorts of winter germ thanks to the masses of family and friends that you visit or host.  
• Your Other Child(ren)'s Birthday - Having back to back birthday parties takes skill, money and patience.  Spreading out the fun tends to be more manageable.

What other seasonal factors affected you and your newborn?  What was the best time of year to be pregnant, to deliver and for your baby to be born?

The Bachelor Got Married (Again)

Last Sunday, Sean Lowe married the winner of his season on The Bachelor, Catherine Guidici.  If you're a fan of The Bachelor, these type of television specials are your Super Bowl equivalent.  If you aren't a fan, these type of television specials probably make you think less of humanity.

Given that I can no longer write about Pregnant in Heels and I've decided to move on from Teen Mom (now as a mother, it feels exceptionally wrong), The Bachelor is my current reality TV fix.  That's right.  I watch every Monday night as Juan Pablo works on his English and tries not to set a bad example for his 4-year-old daughter (something that he says at least a dozen times each episode).  I'm even in a Bachelor fantasy league.  Clare, Andi, Lucy and someone else are on my team.

Anyway, in addition to my weekly Bachelor fix, I upped the ante and watched Sean and Catherine get hitched last Sunday.  I didn't manage to watch the entire program in one sitting and I didn't manage to keep my eyes on the television screen 100% of the time (some moments were too awkward to take head on), but I got through it and I have a few things to say.  I'll try not to be too catty.

First a pic of the newlyweds.

Photo source: Catherine Guidici Instagram

1) How do these hairstylists to the celebrities always F it up?  I'll admit, this isn't the first Bachelor/Bachelorette wedding I've watched (and hopefully it won't be the last).  In every one I've seen, the bride's hair looks like a hot mess.  Unfortunately for Catherine, she was not the exception.

2) Catherine's theme of "grown sexy" was certainly a new one.  The commentary and comedy stemming from it is endless.  I'll make no personal judgment, but I will point you to a quick and awesome moment about said theme.  In the last scene of the special, Chris Harrison attempted to close out with a summary of the tremendous beauty and love we had all just witnessed and included the term "grown sexy".  As soon as the words came out of his mouth, former Bachelorette Ashley Hebert looks at her husband, makes a scrunchy, perplexed face and says "What does that mean?"

3) I'm pretty sure Andy Dick was in attendance.  I swear that I saw live video of him hugging other guests.  Can anyone else confirm this?

4) The credits were accompanied by a shot of the infamous honeymoon suite and sounds of trains, horses and the wild, wild jungle.  Loved it.

4) Per usual, Twitter provided some fabulous commentary:

  

Something Lighter, Something Pink and Red and White

Posts have been heavyish lately with meaty discussions and money debates.  So, today I'm going with something lighter and fully off topic: I've been thinking about my daughter's bedroom.  As you may remember, I lived (yes...lived, past tense) in a small NYC apartment.  For the first four months of my daughter's life, we all slept in the one and only bedroom.  My husband and I had our bed and she had her crib.  We skipped the co-sleeper/bassinet phase because there was no space and no point - the crib was about two feet from the bed.  It was a small apartment with a small bedroom.

When my daughter was about four months, my husband and I moved to the living room.  We slept on our sweet Ikea pullout couch for the remainder of her first year...and some.  For a while there, our living room was our bedroom was also her playroom was sometimes our dining room.  It got really complicated.

This is Ikea's Manstad and the pullout couch that I speak of, same color and everything.
I don't think they sell it anymore in case you were wondering.  

During the past couple months, our family of three has made some big changes.  For starters, my husband and I no longer sleep on the couch.  That's because we no longer live in that tiny, awesome NYC apartment.  In fact, we no longer live in New York.  We recently headed north to the Boston area and can now officially call ourselves Massholes.  We're thrilled.

With our new geographic location has come more space.  Much more space.  For starters my daughter has her own room.  Or, should I say, my husband and I have our own room.  And so, I've been thinking about what most women consider when they're still pregnant - the nursery.  Although, I don't think it's technically a nursery because I no longer have an infant.  So, I suppose, I've been thinking about a toddler bedroom.  Not so much mobiles and Boppy pillows, but mini chairs and chalkboards.

My vision is red, pink, white and birch.  Something like this...

I made this little mood board using the website Olioboard (super fast, super easy, super free) and here are the links to all the above products:

1) Red kid's adirondack chair by Loll Designs 

2) "To the Moon and Back" pink pillow from One Kings Lane

3) Red three legged lamp from Lamps Plus

4) Wooden rocking horse from Land of Nod

5) Nightstand by Posh Tots

6) Tea set by Plan Toys

7) Poodle Pouf from CB2

8) Pink cotton rug from Dash & Albert 

I paid zero attention to cost when I made my mood board and, unfortunately, basically all items are beyond my budget.  Other than that adorable wooden tea set, which is $25 (a likely 2014 birthday or holiday gift for my daughter).  Cost aside, you can get the feel for what I've been thinking about.  I hope to turn my vision into reality with more budget friendly items.  Maybe I'll even share as the process gets underway...a la Young House Love (my favorite blog).

How did you go about decorating your baby's nursery?  Or your toddler's bedroom?  Where did you shop for furniture and accessories?  What was your inspiration?

It's Not All About the Benjamins

How much does it cost to have a second child?

I googled that phrase and came up with a couple helpful, though slightly dated, articles (here and here).  The bad news, which you may have suspected, is that it does in fact cost more to have a second child.  Hopefully, this doesn't blow your mind.  You'll spend more on childcare, clothing, gear, diapers, food, college savings and health insurance, to name the obvious ones.

My original intent for this post was to delve into each considerations in some detail.  How much does childcare go up?  Answer - Not double, but a bunch more.  Can you reuse baby number one's clothes for baby number two?  Answer - Depends on the physical similarities of your kids (weight and height) and the similarity of the seasons (winter baby versus summer baby) and their gender (some people don't want to dress their boys in pink Bambi pajamas).

Speaking of pink Bambi pajamas...the above are currently on sale at Baby Cottons, hence the blue sale sign

I quickly realized that too many financial considerations will differ on a family-by-family basis.  Not everyone uses childcare and some first borns will be out of diapers by the time their sibling is born.  I also quickly realized that this subject is a tad depressing and could, potentially, scare a type A person like myself away from having a second child.  I mean, not really.  But it could add an unnecessary level of stress to the whole thing.

Being pregnant while caring for a toddler is something I have not experienced, but I can imagine that it's tricky and a bit intense.  Just being pregnant was tricky and a bit intense at times.  Preparing yourself and your family for the new member is a huge job.  There are a lot balls to juggle with money being one of many.

While I'm not suggesting to stick your head in the sand and ignore the financial implications of a second child, I do think that money is just a piece of the puzzle.  And, perhaps, not the most important piece.  Moreover, no amount of Excel spreadsheeting is going to give you a precise dollar amount because for all the tangible considerations there are at least as many intangible considerations that you can't even predict.  You might end up having a boy in July and your cousin had a boy in July two years ago.  Bam, full wardrobe immediately accomplished.  Your co-worker ends up getting pregnant around the same time as you and wants to go in on a nanny share when the babies are born.  It will cost you half as much as the daycare you had been using for your first born.  You might get ballsy and give cloth diapers a whirl.

I envisioned myself using gDiapers with my daughter.
My mother even gifted me the washable outers and some inserts at my baby shower.
Never happened.  Not once.

Thinking about how much money your second child is going to set you back is responsible.  It's good parenting.  But, plotting it out to the penny, stressing out, preemptively selling your second car, is probably not productive.  It might actually be more harmful than helpful.   So, think about the money, but not too much and not too hard.