Being Thankful

Today's post is a late tribute to Thanksgiving.  I hope you had a good one.

During pregnancy there are so many rules.  There are prenatal vitamins to take and foods to avoid, ways to sleep and clothes to wear.  The list of to dos is dwarfed only by the list of not allowed to dos.  And on top of all the guidelines dictated by science, there are wives tales that further instruct.  All these rules create so many (too many) opportunity for worry - Am I doing this right?  Did I remember to do that?  Should I do that?  One's mind can really get away from her.  Mine certainly did at times.

When my worries became overwhelming, I coped by being thankful.  It worked...usually.  I tried to forget the lists of dos and don'ts and, instead, make a list of thanks.  Sometimes the list included milestones, like reaching a big ultrasound.  More often the list included just everyday things, silly things.

Some sample list items:

• No one ever told me to lay off desserts.  In fact, my mother encouraged me to eat ice cream...all the calcium.
• I got some cute and comfortable hand-me-down maternity clothes from friends.
• I bonded with other pregnant friends and mom friends in a way that I couldn't before I experienced pregnancy for myself.
• At least once a day, a stranger would congratulate me.
• My hair was shiny and thick from the prenatal vitamins and the hormones.  And my nails were stronger than ever.
• No one ever commented on how big my butt became.
• I got a seat on the subway...most of the time.
• I had a legitimate reason to discuss baby names whenever I wanted.

This list, as cheesy as it was somedays, was a great tool.  Realizing that I was eight months along and no one had even joked that my ass looked as pregnant as my belly was a great distraction from all the do's and don'ts.  Yes, there's a lot to worry about during pregnancy, but there's also a lot to be thankful for.   It's just a matter of finding those small moments of sweetness or comedy.  When you do, it's amazing how easily they can overpower the big moments of worry.  

Were you a worrier during your pregnancy?  Do you think you will be?  How do you/will you cope?

I'm Told That Babies Steal Sleep

Today's post revisits a topic I've written about before (here) - how babies affect parents' sleep.  If you're pregnant it's something that everyone is warning you about, if you have a baby it's something you're acutely aware of and not happy about.  Lack of sleep sucks.

Earlier this week, a blogging friend (Kendall) who writes On An Inhale posed a simple question on Facebook:

On An Inhale is not a baby blog.  It's a yoga, health, nutrition blog.  But, again, lack of sleep sucks and it sucks not just for parents, but for everyone.  And by "sucks" I mean that it has a serious impact on a person's health and well-being.  Hence, On An Inhale took on the topic.  

The question itself (above) wasn't mind blowing, just a general topic that seemingly all sorts of people could weigh in on.  The discussion that ensued was far more controversial.  Poor Kendall was pounced on by comment after comment that she clearly didn't have children because lack of sleep was not a choice for parents.  No amount of planning could assist a parent in gaining more sleep.  Essentially, nine hours of steady snoozing was a forgotten fairy tale once baby arrived. 

I get that newborns don't sleep much...at all...and when they do it's in small chunks that adult bodies don't find satisfying in the least.  I get that parents of a 3-month-old are literally running on adrenaline, sweat and as much caffeine as they can stomach.  But, am I wrong to think that at some point the tables adjust (though they may not completely turn).  At some point, a parent can get seven hours sleep at night without it being a miracle, right?  Maybe nine hours of straight zzzzs will be reserved for weekends when the kids are at their grandparents, but does sleep deprivation last from a child's birth until college graduation?

Someone, please, answer me.  And if you don't have anything nice (and reassuring) to say on this topic, then please don't answer me.

PS - If you want to check out On An Inhale 

click HERE for the website 

and HERE for the Facebook page. 

Does Mom Get Sick Days?

Everyone gets sick.  Everyone has down days.  Days that you call out from work either truly sick or in dire need of a mental health day.  On these days, you wanna watch crappy television or rent a movie, you want to eat forbidden foods and sleep an absurd number of hours.  You want your mom or your husband or your best friend to feel bad for you.  You want to be cared for and coddled.

Okay, now what happens when you have one of these sick, downer days...and you're a mom???  My guess is that an infant isn't going to provide the kind of sympathy and back rub that one is looking for when feeling like crap.  What's more, an infant's needs don't go on hold just because mom has the sniffles...or something more serious.

There are plenty of things that one has to change about her lifestyle (or give up altogether) when a baby arrives.  Things like travel and happy hour and new $300 shoes.  And, I think, these are the things that are most considered and discussed when deciding whether one is ready to have a baby.  But what about the more mundane, day-to-day sacrifices?  What about no more mental health days?  What about saying a long, sad good-bye to "me time" whenever the mood strikes you?

What did you think would be the hardest thing to change/give up when you had a baby?  What truly was the hardest thing to change/give up when you had a baby?

I Did A Stupid Thing

NSB is kicking off the new year with a 

new guest blogger - Lia Capri.  She's a friend and a baby crazed confidant (on some days).  I'm delighted to share her relatable, witty perspective on deciding the right time to start a family.

Disclaimer: this post contains some graphic descriptions which  may make you question (further question?) your desire to procreate.  

First, a bit of background.  I've been with my husband for nearly 7 years, married for 2.  We are in love and quickly (too quickly) approaching 30.  We both love kids and want to have a family someday (maybe someday soon).  BUT none of our friends have had children and we've found one reason after another to put off trying.  "You can't be pregnant at Brian's wedding", "it would be a sin not to drink on our trip to Vegas", "let's wait to see if that transfer comes through with your job" and so the story goes.

But as the new year approaches (post written on December 30, 2011), I think of the greatest potential milestone I (we) could reach in 2012, a precious addition to our family (I'm speaking of a baby of course, not a pet or car).  And so I realize the excuses are no longer compelling and babymaking season is upon me.  Then, with curiosity and blissful ignorance of what is before me, I did a simple search on You Tube: Childbirth.

Pretty accurate portrayal of my expression watching the youtube videos

Oh the horror!  I will spare you the details of what I witnessed in the first video I watched (yes, this masochist watched more than one!) but I'll just say that there was a lot of blood, scissors, a very large infant head, and way too much butthole.  Fortunately the sound was not on in this video, which may have spared me additional trauma.

Now, excuse me while I reserve bottle service at the club in Vegas!

By Lia Capri

Baby Uncrazy

What is a term for being the opposite of baby crazy?  Baby Uncrazy or Baby Sane?  Baby Averse?

How about Baby Logical.

I was gifted two very funny, very Baby Logical books this holiday season:  "Babies Ruin Everything" and "The Baby is Disappointing"

Some would probably categorize these books as Baby Averse, but I'll stick with Baby Logical.  Here's a taste of this so-called logic from "The Baby is Disappointing":

This is from "Babies Ruin Everything, which is written from the perspective of an older sibling:

Both are truly hysterical.  They're conversation starters and take all of five minutes to read.  Both are written by Matthew Swanson, illustrated by Robbi Behr and published by Idiots' Books.  Here is the website for Idiots' Books, which is a cool, small teeny-tiny publishing company.  Because the publisher is so small, its awesome books can't be found in your neighborhood Barnes & Noble.  My gift giver found them at a boutique gift shop in Brooklyn.  If you don't live in Brooklyn, fear not, you can purchase them off the website (here it is, again).

While they may not be for everyone, even certain baby crazed ladies can appreciate the sarcasm of both books.  Subtle (and not so subtle) reminders that major life changes come along with those cooing bundles of joy is not a bad thing.

Happy 2012 to the Baby Crazy people, the Baby Logical people and Baby Crazy Yet Logical people...if they exist.

I Saw A Baby...In A Bar

This past Saturday night, I had a lovely dinner with six of my favorite friends.  Our reservation was for 8 p.m. and we managed to arrive right on time, a rarity.  We started the night with some champagne (it was a special occasion) and ordered a bunch of appetizers about a half hour later.  By 9 p.m. we were munching on edamame and finishing our second bottle of champagne.  By 9:30 p.m. we had finished the yuba dumplings, spicy tuna and...you guessed it...our third bottle of champagne.  We were gossiping and giggling and having a grand old time when unexpectedly, from the bar, a baby started screaming.  It was sudden and loud, in the range of blood curdling.  I nearly dropped my salmon and avocado roll.

This image of a salmon and avocado roll
made me realize why sushi is served
in dimly lit restaurants.
Sushi isn't all that attractive. (image here)  

I think most will agree that the sound of a screaming baby is a less pleasant sound.  On the scale of 1 to 10, definitely below a 5.  Even when it's your baby, you can't tell me that the screaming is cute.  You just can't.  The cooing is cute.  The screaming is not cute.  And when the baby isn't your baby, it's especially not cute.  And when it's at a restaurant and interrupts your champagne toasting, it's the worst.

Back in July, I wrote about an airline that was considering banning babies from certain first class flights (here).  I bring this up not because I want restaurants to ban babies, but because on Saturday night I really did wish that the parents had left their little screamer at home.  It didn't ruin the night, not by a mile.  But, the group collectively thought - party foul.

How do you feel about babies in restaurants?  Does the kind of restaurant matter (swanky and high priced versus casual and economic)?  Does the hour matter (early bird special versus late night apps)?

Baby Bucket List

Most do not know the gruesome origin of the term "bucket list" (it comes from the phrase "kick the bucket" which comes from a method of suicide), but most do know its meaning - a list of things that you want to do before you die.  It's not a brain buster to figure out the meaning of a baby bucket list - crazy, fun, extravagant things that you want to do before having a baby.  Not because a baby equals death!  NO.  Because these things will be more difficult (if not impossible) from pregnancy forward (or at least through toddlerhood).  Check out the website www.bucketlist.org - it allows you to make your own (baby) bucket list that others can follow (to keep you honest).

My ideas below, please share yours - leave a comment with your planned or accomplished pre-baby adventure

Travel - This doesn't have to be Bali or Patagonia or some 24-hour-to-get-to-by-jet destination.  For example, I grew up in Massachusetts and have never been to Martha's Vineyard.  It's on my baby bucket list.  Maybe you've never been camping or always wanted to visit New Orleans.  Yes, a trip to Brazil would be amazing if you can afford it, but a quick babymoon to the outer banks of North Carolina would also be pretty sweet.

Physical Challenge - Not the Double Dare kind...or maybe.  These are athletic feats that you've always aspired to conquer but never had the motivation.  Being pregnant seriously limits your ability to exercise and the baby's arrival will serious limit your free time - how's that for motivation.  Get it done while you have the time and energy to do it.

• Triathlon - The website www.beginnertriathlete.com is dedicated first time triathlon competitors and provides everything from an event calendar to training programs
• Marathon - It takes (on average) from 16-24 weeks to train for the 26.2 mile (length of a marathon) race and around 5 hours (for a first timer) to run it.  Go to www.runnersworld.com for a comprehensive database of marathons (and other length races) 
• Adventure Race - These are races that combine athleticism with chaotic fun like Muddy Buddy, Rebel Race and Spartan Races
• Bike Race - Go to www.bikerace.com for a full list of nationwide bike races

Things You Missed In College - College was a time of unabashed mayhem.  Minimal responsibility plus maximum consumption to cheap alcohol created lasting memories (for those who were sober enough to form them).  But not everyone went to a college with wild parties, those who did weren't necessarily in attendance (lame) and some didn't go to college period.  Before your hands are busy burping and diaper changing, maybe a quick beer funnel is in order?  Pick up A Guide to College Partying for the basics.  I don't think you'll have much trouble getting a few friends involved in these list items.

• Kegs - Throw a keg party or at least find one so you can attempt (if not master) the keg stand
• Beer Funnel/Bong - By clicking on the words Beer Funnel/Bong you are on your way to becoming the proud owner of the Ultimate Beer Bong. 
• Stay up until sunrise - You can class this one up with a bottle of wine instead of a case of Milwaukee's Best and a game of Pictionary instead of Kings (refer to your copy of A Guide to College Partying if you don't know Kings).  Yes, you will likely be up at sunrise with the baby, but the circumstances of this list item should be slightly different
• Strip Club - Enough said

Luxury Stuff - These are unnecessarily expensive material things (iPad, Manolo Blaniks, etc.) that you've always wanted but been too fiscally conservative to buy, despite having the funds.  If you don't buy it now, you won't once the baby is born.

Take a Class or Develop/Nourish a Hobby

• Language - A DIY tool (like Rosetta Stone) or a group class are both great options.  Most major (and some non-major) cities have adult education language classes that are relatively inexpensive.  Once you've learned a little, search Craiglist for a speaking partner
• Photography - Get yourself a sweet camera and take a photography class (again, local adult education classes are great for this)
• Cooking - Take a cooking class for a practical and fun experience.  This would be a great couple's activity
• Wine/Beer - Learn about wine so you don't look like an ass (like me) every time you try to spin your glass at a nice restaurant and the wine spills everywhere.  Or learn how to brew beer with a cool home brewing kit

Random - Audition for reality television or a game show, compete in a food eating contest, or try not to kick the bucket on a sky-diving and bungee jumping excursion.

Sleep No More

I love sleeping.  I love staying in bed for five more minutes.  And taking a nap when it's raining outside.  On weekends and vacations I sleep late.  It's a luxury that I fully indulge.  My bed is maxed out with sleep inducing accessories - a life changing featherbed, a thick, quilted mattress pad, extra pillows, an oversized down comforter and a few reserve blankets for good measure.

I've been a good sleeper my whole life.  I put my head on the pillow, close my eyes and my next memory is the rude noise of the alarm.  It's wonderful.  And my sleeping aptitude is not limited to ideal circumstances, I can (and have) fallen asleep in buses, planes and cars.  On couches, chairs and floors.  On the beach and in a park.  In a box and with a fox...

People with babies don't sleep.  Not a lot.  They brag about and literally glow after having an amazing night's sleep...of five hours.  And they're not being sarcastic when they make this characterization, which leaves me shocked and shaken every time.

Adding a baby to the daily routine is a game changer.  Loss of sleep is amongst the many big, huge and enormous changes I will face as a new mother.  I worry about this.  A fitness fiend worries about losing her toned abs.  A fashionista worries about falling into a sweatpants rut.  A foodie worries about surviving on a pasta and string cheese diet.  Us sleepers worry about our losing our eight hours.   The gain of a baby is the inevitable loss of some of life's indulgences.  But, the trade off is marvelous.  Of course.  

A good reason to catch my zzzzs now.  Not that I need a reason.        

A Couple of Dinks

DINK is an acronym for Double/Dual Income No Kids.  Yes, the word dink has a couple other humorous and not so humorous definitions (in particular, definition #7 on urbandictionary.com gave me a chuckle).  But, let's stay relevant.  The DINK I'm talking about refers to a couple without children who have abundant disposable income due to their lack of financial responsibility.  It's like a couple of yuppies (young upwardly-mobile professional people, the late 70's backlash to hippies) who prioritize growing their combined wealth and not growing their family.

I learned about the DINK demographic recently and was amused (by the name) and intrigued that there are so many of these couples out there that an acronym has been coined.  It was a nice reminder that while my post-marriage plans include starting a family, not everyone feels the same way.  The DINKs  are the target market for luxury brands.  They are characterized by their love of spending money on travel, fine dining and consumer products in general.  They take pride in having absolutely no financial responsibility other than themselves.  Not even pets.

In addition to spending, they love building their assets.  There are blogs, websites and even a DINK facebook page where fellow DINKs share investment strategies.  They hate hearing "you'll change your mind" from friends, family and strangers...because they won't.  Ill-behaved children at restaurants and movie theaters are a huge pet peeve.  And if they made the rules, babies in general would not be allowed in public place because they're too unpredictable and take up too much space with all their accessories.

All this is a stark contrast to the theme of this blog - the baby craze.  And while the typical reader of Next Stop - Baby is more likely to be part of the MEWK demographic (Many Expenses With/Wanting Kids), it takes all kinds.  

If you're a newly discovered DINK (or just interested in stealing their finance secrets), check out the Dual Income No Kids blog for your Kindle or http://www.dinksfinance.com/.

Chef's Tasting Menu, Wine Pairing and Newborn?

Last night my husband and I indulged in the six course chef's tasting menu and wine pairing at one of our favorite neighborhood restaurants.  It was an early Valentine's Day celebration and I'm proud to reveal that we spent a full 3.5 hours enjoying each bite and each sip.  This is a noteworthy accomplishment because we tend to eat every meal like it's the first we've had in a year - very fast with short pauses for breathing.

We caught up about new projects at work, about the latest word from our mothers and about what could possibly be in store for the Jersey Shore crew in the upcoming episode.  Midway through the night the discussion turned to one of our favorite topics: all the amazing trips we'd like to take - Greek isles, Machu Piccu, Thailand, Patagonia, the pyramids in Mexico (Egyptian pyramids were knocked off the list for the moment given the slightly volatile politcal climate).  We love fantasizing about extravagant world travel and the money tree that will finance each excursion.

The ambience was perfectly cozy and romantic.  Dim lighting exaggerated the flickering tea candles that were set on each table and hung along the exposed brick walls.  The volume of banter from other tables was just loud enough that it forced us to lean across the table as we spoke, making the occasional peck feel natural and appropriate.

Around hour three, just before dessert was served (gingerbread doughnuts and creme brulee icecream for me and chocolate hazelnut cake with blood orange icecream for him), I excused myself to the restroom.  By now I had finished my 5th wine pairing and it took extreme focus to weave my way through maze of tables and diners to find the door labeled "Water Closet."

Upon returning to the table I confessed that I was a little tipsy and a lot impressed by how many people were packed into the teensy dining room.  My husband admitted that he had noticed my eyes gain a slight glaze shortly after we started our fourth course and agreed that the restaurant's interior designer had effectively used every inch of space.  He is perpetually surprised by how little alcohol I can handle before my balance goes down and my voice goes up.  He laughed at me, I laughed at me and we leisurely finished our sweet 6th course.

This wonderful night would have been impossible with the added company of a baby.  Impossible.  First, mamma can't be drinking her spatial awareness into oblivion.  Not that I was even in the realm of fall over drunk, but I certainly wouldn't have trusted myself to carry a fussy infant.  And forget about breast-feeding for anywhere between 3-24 hours after all that delightful wine (my brief online research resulted in conflicting expert opinions).  Second, the cozy, romantic restaurant was less than baby accommodating.  There were zero children in attendance, much less non-walkers.  I had trouble squeezing my way to the bathroom without landing in someone's soup.  There was simply no room for a baby and baby carrier.

At a time when my world is buzzing with all the joys that a baby will bring, I can't help but also notice the things that I will no longer be able to do.