A Difficult Dilemma Between Friends

There is a clear difference between baby crazed individuals and non-baby crazed individuals.  The more crazy the former gets, the more glaring the difference.  Being a baby crazed individual, I must consciously simmer myself around non-baby crazed friends.  I intentionally guide my conversational instincts toward movies, work, and noteworthy happenings on my commute (versus names, baby shower tales and family planning discussions).  Sometimes I slip up, but that usually only happens when I'm around other baby crazed individuals.  The joining forces of multiple baby crazed ladies can be explosive...and super annoying...to the non-baby crazed.  But, all-in-all, controlling the baby talk is doable.

It's two baby crazed individuals (Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott) 

with their crew of babies.  There's actually one missing, their new son Finn.  

Side note: healthy wishes to Tori, who was recently hospitalized 

due to complications from her c-section with Finn.  

Let's up the stakes from a conversation between a baby crazed and non-baby crazed lady to a conversation between a pregnant woman and a woman who has been desperately trying to get pregnant for some time.  You just cringed when you read that, right?  The contrast here is far more glaring.  The mama-to-be can't very well deny her state of being, especially if her bump is in full effect.  The non-pregnant lady can't very well deny her desire to be pregnant, especially if it was well known before Miss Preggers found herself knocked up.

Simmering baby talk to a non-baby crazed friend is easy enough.  Simmering baby talk to a non-pregnant lady (or anyone), when your bump is touching your bowl of soup, is not so easy.  So, what does a pregnant lady do?  Not talk about babies at all and ignore her twitching belly?  Meanwhile, what does a non-pregnant-and-desperate-to-be lady do?  Not ask the courteous, obvious questions?  Avoid pregnant people altogether? 

Italian wedding soup.  My favorite.

It's a difficult dilemma requiring some serious sensitivities.  With so many of my friends having babies, being pregnant, being baby crazed and wanting to become parents, this difficult dilemma has popped up on more than one occasion.  It's never easy to manage - not from inside the dilemma or even as an onlooker.  But, the one thing I have learned is to let the non-pregnant lady guide the way.  If she wants to avoid all contact for a while, let her, and if she doesn't want to ask the courteous, obvious questions, let her.  She's not trying to offend or be selfish, she's just coping.

When wedding season is over, there is a ranging spectrum of interests and desires when it comes to being baby crazy and starting a family.  Be conscious of that range.  No matter where you fall on the spectrum, it's healthy for you and important for friendships to avoid tunnel vision.  Be the change you wish to see in the world...okay, that's totally unrelated, but it felt like a natural conclusion to this deep-ish thoughts post.

I'm Afraid of Holding Babies

No, the title of this post isn't a phrase from Stuff People Google (though it certainly sounds like it is).  Rather, it's an accurate description of how I feel when a new parent excitedly hands me her teeny tiny bundle of joy.  I sometimes decline.  Not outright decline, but sort of blow it off.  No, no, no...she's so comfortable we don't have to move her around, you hold onto her or I have to run to the bathroom, I'll hold him when I get back.


Truthfully, I'm not afraid of all babies.  I'm cool with the 6+ month olds.  It's the newborns that freak me out.  They're just so small.  Who's seen a newborn lately?  I've recently been in the company a two day old baby who was, actually, on the big side (over 8 lbs).  Even her tiny big self scared the BaJesus out of me.  Thankfully she was fast asleep and there was no offer to transfer her to my sweaty palms.  Even so, I positioned myself at a safe distance across the room.  

You would think that a baby crazy lady like myself would be overly eager to grab whatever babies I was offered.  I think it's far more common to squeal and reach out at the sight of one.  But I don't.  I wish I did.  Instead, I get scared and force myself to sit down on the nearest surface (floor included) like a 4th grader who's holding a baby for the first time under strict parental supervision.

Why?  The obvious answer: I'm afraid of dropping, crushing, bending, breaking and/or upsetting the tiny person.  I'm afraid of being bad at it.  Because if I accidentally hurt or upset the baby or if I'm randomly bad at it, that could reflect on my ability as a future mother.  If I don't shine at baby holding, the parent could think I'm non-maternal and, worse, I could feel non-maternal.

Unlike me, Michael Jackson had absolutely no fear of holding his baby...over a balcony.

There's not a happy ending to this post.  I didn't have a break through last week with an exceptionally easy infant.  I didn't discovery a zen trick to calm me down at the sight of a newborn.  But that's okay.  If I'm awkward as hell with everyone else's baby, I have faith that I'll be natural with my own...not because I'm an eternal optimist but because that's what I've been told.  Plus, practice makes perfect and when it's your own baby there's a lot of practice.

Po-TAY-to versus Po-TAH-to

Baby craziness is so fun, when you're in it and ready to go.  When you're not in it and SO not ready to go, it's really annoying.

When a single friend is surrounded by a crop of coupled up friends, slight tensions may arise.  The single friend wants to frequent bars, guzzle red wine and mingle with co-eds.  The coupled friend wants to order take out, play Apples to Apples and be in bed at a reasonable hour.  Okay, those are extreme stereotypes, but the truth isn't far off.  Single friends are typically driven by the desire to find partners in crime.  Coupled friends are typically driven by the desire to maintain relationships with their partners in crime.  When two good friends find themselves on differing sides of this dividing line it can be a game changer.

Apples to Apples is THE best game.
You know what side of the divide I stand on...

When a friend who is NOT baby crazy is surrounded by a crop of baby crazy friends, serious tensions regularly arise.  The baby crazy friend is trying to get pregnant or already pregnant or already a parent.  Her entire life revolves around wanting a baby and/or adoring the baby she has.  The non-baby crazy friend (coupled or single) is fully content without adding a baby to the mix.  Her entire life revolves around everything but baby stuff.  Much like the single versus coupled friend, the interests of the baby crazy versus the non-baby crazy friend differ.  But, when it comes to baby crazy differences, it's not just interests that differ it's full fledged lifestyles.

Tori Spelling is definitely baby crazy.
She's pregnant with her 4th!  

With pregnancy and babies come physical limitations and non-negotiable responsibilities.  Being baby crazy is an all encompassing state of being - in part because it's exciting and in part because it's actually life changing.  It's impossible hard to consider, think about, discuss and behave in a way that doesn't revolve around a baby.  Meanwhile, for the non-baby crazed individual it's excruciating to not be able to talk about or do anything that isn't directly or indirectly affected by a baby.  

I'm not suggesting that the baby crazy and the non-baby crazy folk can't get along.  They certainly can and do.  All the time.  But, it's important to recognize these major differences and be sensitive to them.  It's not about feeling sorry for lifelong bridesmaids or hopelessly baby crazed ladies.  Rather, it's about understanding the seriousness of these differences in terms of the way they affect interests and day-to-day life.  And, it's about respecting friends accordingly, just like you would with any other difference.

You say poTAYto, I say poTAHto.  You say I'm not ready for kids, I say I've been ready for kids since I was twelve.  Let's NOT call the whole thing off.      

Baby Crazed Grandparents

It's not just women of child-bearing age and desire that go baby crazy.  The parents of those women can go baby crazy as well.  And when a grandparent-to-be is baby crazy, it sort of blows all other forms of baby craze straight out of the pond.  Here's why: Grandparents are older than parents (you knew that) and it's well established law that the older a person gets the fewer rules he/she will follow and the fewer niceties he/she will extend.  Boundaries and limits are meaningless to old people.  Generally, old people don't give a shit.

She would totally cut you in line at the pharmacy
and elbow you if you put up a fight.
(image here)

When this free-for-all attitude combines with a severe desire to be a grandparent, the result is social inappropriateness at its worst.  I knew a woman who collected books for her unconceived grandchildren from the time her own child turned sixteen.  Yep, 16.  Mind you, I knew her child when he was around thirty, without kids and without a prospective baby mama in his life.  I know women who collect Christmas ornaments and clothes for their unconceived grandchildren.  And I know one woman who buys baby products (high chair, etc.) for her home for when her unconceived baby visits.  It was such a deep discount for such a quality product, she couldn't not buy it...

This sort of extreme baby craze can definitely knock the baby craze out of a lesser committed individual.  It's down right scary.  But, can this behavior be controlled and/or stopped?  Circle back to the beginning of the post.  The answer is no, no it cannot.  Grandparent aged folk are crazy by law.  The baby part is just a focus for that crazy.  There's nothing that can be done other than to ride out the socially inappropriate wave and remember that it comes from a place a deep, profound love.  Usually.

Who is the most baby crazed grandparent-wanna-be that you know?  Any good stories?  I'd love to hear about the baby crazed woman who bought her daughter ovulation test kits and prenatal vitamins?  Or baby crazed parents who consult their child's boss about whether he seemed like he would make a good father?

The Cutest Kid

I see kids every day.  Adorable, oozing with cuteness kids.  Once in a while I see an especially adorable one.  The type of child who you stare at, like a creep.  You try to resist commenting on the cuteness, but can't help yourself, "She is just so precious, I can't take it!  I had to say something!!!"  You go home thinking that you need a baby, stat.  That's not the type of kid I saw last week.  I saw the opposite type of kid.  He was a mess.  Just a friggin mess.

I was on my evening commute home via the notorious NYC subway.  The train car was stupidly packed, which somehow didn't stop a mother from pushing herself and a stroller into the crowd.  We, the commuters who can't stand mothers with their strollers, sighed loudly and blatantly rolled our eyes.  Why can't mothers with strollers choose non-commuter hours to travel on public transportation!? A question that I've asked before (here).

I was the lucky winner who was wedged between a metal pole and the stroller.  So, naturally, I checked out the little bugger who was making my trip home that much more aggravating.  He was not cute.  First, his outfit was a disaster and not in the mismatched-because-he-dressed-himself way.  More in the I-didn't-know-kids-clothes-could-be-so-ugly way and the that-shade-of-teal-is-making-me-nauseous way.  Next, he had thick pen marks all over one of his cheeks.  Shouldn't he be drawing with a Crayola marker and not a Papermate ballpoint?  Next, his hands were purple.  But it wasn't just the color that was a problem.  There was sticky, thick, crumbly, purple stuff caked all under his finger nails and in every wrinkle and crevice of his little hand.  Next, he was using these grubby, purple paws to eat cheddar bunnies.  There were cheddar bunnies everywhere - on his coat, on his teal sweatpants, in his mouth and nose, smeared on his chin...just everywhere.  The fluorescent orange of the bunny crumbs was mixing with the purple mystery goo to create a sticky rainbow nightmare.  Finally, he started to scream.

This doesn't really cover it.  There was PURPLE and so many bunny crumbs.
(images found here, here, here, here and here)

Go ahead, judge me.  Comment that I'm a total asshole for thinking the baby was an uncute mess and sharing that opinion with you.  I would too.

Thankfully I reached my stop before my ear drums suffered permanent damage.  As I walked down the platform and through the turnstile, I got a little sad.  It seemed clear to me that my guttural reaction to the purple-handed little boy was a sign that I'm probably not ready to have kids.  I mean, who thinks toddlers are gross?  As baby crazy as I may be, it seemed that the messy reality was not jiving with my parenthood aspirations.  Humph.

But the story doesn't end there because it was THEN that I saw the cutest kid.  She was probably 6-years-old, wearing a pink winter coat and sporting some lop-sided pigtails.  She was holding her mother's hand and vehemently yelling.  It was a mother/daughter battle for the ages.  And here's how it went:

Mother - "I told you to get yourself ready, but you continued to dawdle."
Daughter - "That's not true."
Mother - "That is true.  I saw you.  You were dawdling and you were supposed to be getting ready."
Daughter - "You don't know what I was doing!  Only I know what I was doing!  Only I am me!  ONLY I AM ME!!!"

I don't know that everyone would have loved that exchange, but I did.  I thought it was just the cutest response and that she was just the cutest kid.  I followed the pair down the sidewalk, holding back giggles and desperately wanting to interject and side with the pint-sized Johnny Cochran.

Cuteness is in the eye of the beholder.  My baby craze lives on...

Stuff People Google 34

It's a new year, as you may have realized.  While many things will change in this new year, some things will remain the same.  Today's edition of Stuff People Google is a reminder of that and an homage to the underlying theme of Next Stop Baby.

i want to stop being so baby crazy

2012 New Year Resolutions

It's time to consider, reconsider and commit to a few resolutions for the new year.  The magical year of 2012 is almost upon us (in 2.5 days) and no time is better than RIGHT NOW to figure out the changes you'll make, bad habits you'll break and goals you'll achieve in the next 365 days. 

Before you do so, let me tell you a little about 2012.  I'm not psychic, just quick with my Wikipedia research.

• The Year of the Dragon - According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2012 is the Year of the Dragon.  It will be a year marked by intensity and enthusiasm.  Contrast that with 2011, the Year of the Rabbit, which is was marked by serenity and tranquility.  For those of you who just thought, "yeah right...serenity and tranquility my ass....", this first point might not impact your resolution making.
• Leap Year - February 29th exists in 2012.
• The Hunger Games - I couldn't end the year without another reference to this book and the entire trilogy.  For those keeping track, I will now reveal that I've finished all three books.  While I'm tempted to share my thoughts, they're not really "Next Stop Baby" relevant....though I could be persuaded.  The first movie, The Hunger Games, is due out in May 2012. 
• Summer Olympics - London will host the 2012 summer olympics, from July 27 to August 12, making it the first city to host three olympic games.
• Presidential Election - On November 6, 2012, the good folk of United States will elect a new (or the same) president.

Let's make some resolutions.

For the Baby Crazed individual, trying to simmer down in 2012 probably won't work.  You're baby CRAZY (not baby happy) and it's the Year of the Dragon.  Maybe resolve to put your energy toward something that will benefit your future offspring - learn to knit baby booties? 

For me, the relatively new blogger (it's been almost a year!), I've resolved to write at least two posts a week that are focused on story telling, quirky observations and deep thoughts.  Through the process of writing for Next Stop Baby, I've also become a blog follower.  In part, I wanted to see how other people did this blogging thing and, in part, I was genuinely interested in the subjects.  Blogs that post often have a certain appeal because you can count on a daily (or near daily) fix.  But, I'm a bigger fan of blogs that post quality content.  As an avid follower, it's easy to tell when a blogger publishes a cop-out post...I'm sure you've been able to spot my cop-out posts over the last 11 months.  So, I'm vowing to write quality posts only.  This will inevitably mean that I will post less often, but I'm cool with that.  I hope you are too.

What are your 2012 resolutions?

Top 10 List - Baby Carriers

It's time for another item on the Top 10 Most Essential Baby Products List (longest list title ever).  A month ago I asked for your thoughts on the truly, seriously, absolutely most essential baby products (here is that post).  The idea behind my inquiry was that when my baby craze turns into baby mama I'm going to need to get some baby stuff.  BUT, I live in a tiny apartment and I won't have much space to store said stuff.  Hence the list.  I'm on a mission to find the most compact versions of the most essential baby products.

A baby carrier is today's essential product.  It's second on the list and no, you're not crazy, I've never posted the entire list.  If you give away the cow for free, nobody is going to buy the milk.  And, truth be told, the list is sort of a work in progress.

The List so far (in no particular order):
1. Place to Sleep
2. Carrier

At first I wondered if a baby carrier is in fact essential.  Why can't one just carry her baby in her arms? From my non-mother point of view, a baby carrier seemed like a convenience, a bonus gadget.   Realizing that I couldn't rely on my outsider perspective, I asked some new moms about baby carriers.  Did they have one?  How often did they use it?  Is it really essential?  Every new mom (without exception) told me that she had a carrier and she used it often.  The moms unanimously agreed that carriers are essential.  I also started to notice how many baby carriers I see on a daily basis.  They're everywhere.  I would wager that carriers are used just as much as strollers, if not more.

Why are baby carriers essential?  Because there are a lot of activities that require two hands.  The carrier keeps the baby warm, cozy and peaceful while the mom can grocery shopping, get a coffee at Starbucks and travel on the subway.  You know how I feel about strollers on the subway (more on that here).  Carriers, however, are welcome on the subway.  And, for apartment dwellers, carriers are far more compact than strollers.

La Stella Blu ($45)

Maya Wrap ($74.95)

Belle ($109.95)

Thanks To a Comment (TTC)

A couple weeks back I received the following lovely comment on this post:

I came across your blog on TBB. You are absolutely hilarious! Can't wait to catch up on your posts. I wish you the best of luck on your TTC journey :) ~New follower from frommrstomom.blogspot.com

I was genuinely touched by the sweet thought and wanted to respond immediately... immediately after I determined the meaning of TTC.  I decided it was a baby related acronym (fair assumption) and racked my brain for baby words that begin with "T".  My first and last guess was "tiny", so I moved onto "C".  Again, my brainstorming produced only one result: Child.  Did the acronym stand for The Tiny Child?  No, probably definitely not.  Maybe it was something blog related (versus baby related).  Could the "C" stand for craft or cyber?  I was Truly and Totally Confused.  (Side note: TBB = Top Baby Blogs, it's a website http://www.topbabyblogs.com/ that Next Stop Baby is listed on).

My own devices left me nowhere so I turned to the internet, of course.  I started by googling the acronym itself.  That was a quick fail.  It only further confused the issue:

TTC = Toronto Transit Commission

TTC = Trident Technical College

TTC = Table Tennis Club

I returned to my initial instincts and narrowed the search with "TTC baby".  A-HA!

TTC = Trying To Conceive

Who knew there was an acronym for the term trying to conceive?  Answer: not me.  Before starting this blog I didn't know the terms DINK or SAHM either.  Apparently acronyms run rampant in the online world of pregnancy and babies.  But I think that's more about the online factor and less about the pregnancy and babies factor.  When it comes to live conversation the terms "unofficially trying" and "officially trying" and "plain old trying" remain standard.  You may remember my post on the subtle differences between these highly technical phrases (here).  

What other acronyms don't I know?  I know C-Section (DUH) and I just recently heard the term VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean).  What else?

Top 10 Ways to Get Over Being Baby Crazy

You know how funny I find the random and sometimes disturbing search phrases that bring people to Next Stop Baby (click here for my shrine to these phrases).  Lately I've been getting a lot of "baby crazy" phrases including those below:

how to get over being baby crazy

stop baby crazy


stop baby crasy


signs he is baby crazy

I combined my love of Stuff People Google with my love of Top 10 lists in today's post.  Here are the Top 10 ways to get over being baby crazy (for at least a little):

1. Change a baby's diaper approximately 3 hours after he or she has eaten a whole bunch of carrots.

2. Immediately (NOW) stop drinking coffee (and all caffeinated drinks), stop drinking alcohol (including wine) and give yourself 6 hours of sleep each night, split into 2 chunks of 3 hours.

3.  Babysit 3-month-old twins.

4. Watch the finale (if you will) of the Miracle of Life in slow motion. 

5. Ask a friend to simulate spitting up on your shoulder.  To make it as accurate as possible the spit up content should be milk or...better yet...cream.  I just gagged a little, it's working.

6. Listen to the video below on repeat, for an hour.

7. Load a backpack with 30 pounds of books, wear said backpack as a frontpack (on your chest instead of your back) and take a ride on the subway during rush hour.  Sitting is cheating.

8. Check out the Baby Cost Calculator at BabyCenter.com, which estimates how much your baby will cost you in the first year.  If just looking at that crazy thing doesn't scare the britches off you, then go ahead and try to fill it out...

9. Grab a slice of pizza at any Chuck E. Cheese around 12:30 pm on a Saturday afternoon.

10. Click here to learn the urbandictionary.com definition of episiotomy.  Get ready to read the word poontang.