A long time ago, I falsely announced (here) that Catelynn Lowell was pregnant, again. I say falsely because if she had been pregnant way back then she would have certainly had the baby by now. My announcement was based on Catelynn's MySpace where she, at the time, declared that she was expecting. To be specific, the "details" section of her myself page said "Children: Expecting". Here's what the details section of her MySpace page looks like today:
Earlier this year, rumors (not started by me) once against swirled that she was knocked up. These rumors came to a head in early summer with a cover of In Touch magazine that featured Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra. The cover declared "I'm Pregnant!"...a statement attributed to Catelynn herself.
Now, I know that In Touch magazine isn't known for its hard journalism, but I would have guessed that fact checking comes into play when a cover and feature article are at issue. With all the defamation suits that celebs throw around these days, what magazine would put out a cover story with false information? So my assumption, upon seeing the cover, was that Catelynn Lowell was preggers again. This time for real.
The plot thickened when Ms. Lowell gave an exclusive interview to US Weekly shortly after the In Touch cover went public. In that interview she stated that she was NOT pregnant, despite the In Touch cover and article. And so the pendulum swung back.
But wait. In response to Catelynn's interview with US Weekly, In Touch responded with one of those "we stand by our story" statements to the Huffington Post. It's their story and they're sticking to it.
So, which is it? Did In Touch get the scoop from a ratty insider or is Catelynn Lowell genuinely waiting for number two until she's a tad bit older? She's currently 20, if anyone was wondering.
Who remembers the movie Ernest Goes to Jail? I do. Sort of. I don't remember the plot or really anything about the movie other than the title and the lead actor. For those who need a refresher, it came out in 1990 and was a sequel of sorts to Ernest Goes to Camp. Jim Varney played Ernest in both.
What's the segway? Well, much like Ernest went to Jail in 1990, Teen Mom's Amber Portwood is heading to jail in 2012. She will be the little darling of the Indiana Department of Corrections for the next five years. And, as the title of this posts suggests, she will also be the Meathole of the Week on Next Stop Baby. That's right, I'm bring back the Meathole of the Week because the original post (here) was so darn popular. Speaking of, I almost made Ms. Hilary Duff a two time Meathole winner thanks to more annoying comments she recently made about how she's a genius at changing diapers and her son's a genius for rolling over. Irkity Irk.
Back to Amber. Whatever we think about shows like Jersey Shore and Teen Mom, we can begrudgingly concede that the cast members make bank. Yes they earn that money by acting like the lowest common denominator, but I think it's safe to say that a portion of that grotesque behavior is choreographed (intentionally or subconsciously) for the cameras. Crazy sells. So, I don't fault Amber for viciously arguing with her child's father on camera or generally making us gasp at her lack of parenting skills. She's paid to do that, sort of. And Mama Amber's not bringing home the bacon in any other discernible way.
Where the problem lies is in her need to repeatedly break the law. Amber is to Teen Mom what Angelina is was to Jersey Shore. Angelina couldn't suck up the fact that she hated all the other guido punks for just a few weeks out of the year to set herself up financially for life (or at least a couple decades). Amber couldn't subdue her desire to abuse drugs and physically assault people for the sake of her daughter, much less for the sake of a pay check.
In second thought, maybe Angelina is the true Meathole because she's just a loud mouthed pain in the ass, where as Amber has a clinical drug addiction. Either way, both girls have successfully dumped their cash cows in the garbage. And, in Amber's case, she dumped her daughter in the hands whoever is legally able to care for her while she spends half a decade sporting an orange jumper and trying not to drop the soap.
But wait, some of you are thinking - forget Angelina, those soulless producers over at MTV are the true Meatholes. On some level the old, wise adults at MTV knew exactly the type of teenage time bomb they cast as a Teen Mom. You're thinking that the MTV staff has taken their formulaic television programming to a disgusting new level by supplying underage, drug addicted, anger unmanaged mothers with more than enough dough to feed all of their gnarly habits (and not their kids). I hear ya, but I won't subscribe to this perspective until I'm given convincing evidence that, on top of all that cold hard cash, MTV also provides free access to drugs and weapons for all its teen mothers. I don't think MTV can be blamed when there are plenty of young ladies on Teen Mom that did the opposite of Amber and got their shit together (relatively speaking).
Nothing like a good Meathole discussion to kick off your Tuesday. What's your take?
I'm contacted by many a random website owner/product pusher at the Next Stop Baby email address (nextstopbabyblog@gmail.com). Several times a week someone asks me to promote a cause on Next Stop Baby. I pretty much never oblige. I'm not a snob, I'm a preservationist. I want Next Stop Baby to be about products, website and (mostly) thoughts that authentically strike me in my daily life.
I was emailed two days ago with one of these standard requests to pass along information to you, my beloved readers. Right off, I was annoyed because the emailer called me a "Mommy Blogger". You and I know that I'm not a mommy blogger, but I decided to continue reading. Despite the introductory faux pas, the content of the email was interesting enough that I couldn't just blow it off. One can't break an unwritten rule without serious consideration. So that's what I did and after about 4 minutes I had made my decision. I'm sure you'll understand why.
She also called me a mommy when she signed off. She is clearly NOT an NSB reader.
The emailer is affiliated with a reality television casting company and she's working on an upcoming show: Pregzilla. That's right, Pregzilla. You understand my extremely quick decision to pass along the good word, yes?
I'm a reality show addict. I don't waste my time calling it a guilty pleasure because I'm not guilty about it. You know that I've written about Teen Mom several times (here, here and here) and referenced the Real Housewives (here and here).
I'm an urban dictionary addict and "pregzilla" is a defined term (here).
I found a t-shirt with the Urban Dictionary definition of Pregzilla (from zazzle.com)
I'm a Pregnant in Heels addict critic. My posts about Rosie Pope and Pregnant in Heels have been reigning fan favorites. I envision Pregzilla as being a direct competitor of Pregnant in Heels (aka more fodder for NSB).
The sum of all this meant I had to share the casting information. I would freak out if a Next Stop Baby reader applied for the show and made it to any of the casting rounds, much less onto the show. So, if you're interested or know anyone that would be the info is below and keep me posted!!! Look out Rosie Pope, Pregzilla is on the way.
Now casting the humorous and crazy side of pregnancy!
EXPECTING MOTHERS: You thought PMS was bad, but this just got a whole lot worse! Are you losing your mind? Hormones running amok? Freaking out over the littlest things? Are you making yourself and everyone else around you nuts and using your pregnancy as the excuse?
This is your pregnancy and you need to be treated like a queen! Let's face it, you're never going to have a better excuse to act up, diva out, regress to childhood, and take command as the queen!
SIGNIFICANT OTHERS: Do you not recognize the woman you fell in love with? Are you feeling more and more like an alien took over her body and turned her into an emotional monster? This is your chance to have fun with the fact that your lady has gone off the rails.
Looking for both expecting mothers and significant othersto participate and share with us the comic drama that surrounds wild ride of pregnancy.
Doron Ofir Casting, the star-making casting company behind Jersey Shore, Millionaire Matchmaker, My Strange Addiction and RuPaul's DragRace, is now casting pregnant mothers who are loud and proud pregzillas! If you or someone you know qualifies, please apply now!
If you and your significant other are currently expecting and appear to be between the ages of 21-35, you could be eligible to star in a new exciting series that celebrates the roller coaster ride of pregnancy.
This is your opportunityto express yourself and tell the world what you've been going through. Vent, complain, brag, show off...and get the ultimate travelogue of your journey to parenthood.
If selected, you will receive an episodic stipend of $5,000.00
Now, did this person actually want to be a "teen baby" or was this a mix up and the typist meant to ask "how to be a teen mom" (aka - how to get on the show Teen Mom)? And, if there was no mistake and she wanted to learn how to be a teen baby, can someone enlighten me as to what a teen baby is?
Did you hear that Leah Messer had a miscarriage? UGH. Here is the full story from OK! Magazine.
When I heard the sad news I had been ironically working on a post about the fact that Leah Messer was pregnant again. A cheeky post that went something like this:
If you know I love Teen Mom, you also know that I have mixed opinions about it's overall worth to society. I've asked the question before (here) and I'll ask it again: is Teen Mom teaching teens about how truly difficult it is to be a teenage mother or is it glamorizing teen pregnancy? I think, and I could certainly be wrong, that the founding idea behind Teen Mom was to encourage the use of birth control (and celibacy). I haven't come across any statistics on whether this principal has in fact affected the general teenage population, but when it comes to a specific teenage individual, Leah Messer, we can now say with certainty that the whole importance of birth control message didn't resonate. She's nineteen and recently announced that she's pregnant, again.
I was actually inspired to write a post about Leah's Messer's pregnancy by one of my favorite NSB followers who emailed this question: why haven't you covered the Leah Messer pregnancy?! A solid question given my juvenile obsession with the Teen Mom franchise. Of course it was blog worthy news, but I was biding my time as I searched for my angle. So, I started the post (above) but couldn't figure out where to take it. Then, news of the miscarriage hit the internet and my angle found me.
Pregnancy is major. It can be major good or major...not good. That's because not all pregnancies occur under ideal terms. It's easy to think of the married couple in their thirties who get pregnant after thoughtful consideration, financial planning and a month of hot, unprotected sex. Of course that's not always the case. Pregnancy can also be the result of a couple teenagers having a one-night, supremely awkward romp session after drinking far too many Natty Ices.
Miscarriage, on the other hand, is pretty much always awful - whether you're sixteen or fifty, a billionaire or poor as hell, ready or not ready. There is no upside to discovering a pregnancy and then losing that pregnancy. For a woman whose discovery of pregnancy is major good, loss of that pregnancy is awful. Totally and utterly devastating. For a woman whose discovery of pregnancy is major not good, loss of that pregnancy is still awful. Losing a pregnancy won't erase the emotional turmoil that occurred while the pregnancy existed. And, even in major not good cases, unexpectedly losing a pregnancy may still provoke sadness. A loss is still a loss, even if it's accompanied by a sense of relief.
Upon hearing news of the miscarriage, my heart hurt for Ms. Messer, even if she did ignore the good word of Dr. Drew.
The new season of Teen Mom 2 is premiering tonight on MTV (10 pm/9 Central). I think I'm even more excited about the return of these ladies than I was about the return of the Teen Mom ladies back in July (wrote about that here). The Teen Mom 2 cast may not have been the original, but I think there's a strong argument that it's the most beloved. They're the Godfather II of the Teen Mom empire.
I watched the Teen Mom 2 recap just yesterday to insure that the drama of last season is fresh in my mind. By the way, can you believe there's only been one season of Teen Mom 2? First there was 16 and Pregnant Season 2A (yeah...2A...), which opened with Jennelle Evans on February 16, 2010 and the others followed throughout the season. Then, the ten girls from 16 and Pregnant Season 2A were cut down to four. Those four were then featured in the first season of Teen Mom 2 that aired on January 11 this year.
That quick history made me realize that the lives of the Teen Mom 2 cast members have drastically changed in a very short period of time. While we (the general public) were briefly introduced to Jenelle, Chelsea, Kailyn and Leah in spring 2010, we've come to know and gawk at love them just this past year. And what a year it has been for them, both on and off screen. This thought motivated me to search the world wide interweb and collect some off-camera happenings of the four mommy superstars. Here is your one-stop shopping for what Jennelle Evans, Chelsea Houska, Kailyn Lowry and Leah Messer have been up to on the off season.
Jennelle Evans - Jennelle spent many of her off-camera hours hanging out with police officers, judges, attorneys and rehab counselors. She was arrested on March 28, 2011. The alleged crime? Assault. The truth behind the allegation became quite clear when a video surfaced. The assault (aka Jennelle beating the crap out of another female teenager) was caught on tape...NOT by MTV (they wish), but some drunk teenager witness. The video is below (thanks TMZ). It's pretty vicious, in a haymaker, hair-pulling kind of way. Keiffer Delps, Jennelle's on again off again, crazy again crazier again, boyfriend was most recently arrested for assault and is currently serving an 8 month jail sentence. I couldn't quite get his legal history in chronological order, but it seems there's been a bunch of arrests in a bunch of states.
Chelsea Houska -Chelsea's friend and former roommate, Megan Nelson (who was featured in a few Teen Mom 2 episodes) had a baby on July 4th. She NATURALLY delivered a BIG boy (9 lbs. 8 ounces). Chelsea's pug named Pixie went missing on July 7th and I couldn't find any word that the little bugger was ever found. Sad. That was all I could gather about Chelsea, she seems to keep the lowest profile of the Teen Mom 2 ladies.
Kailyn Lowry - Kailyn started selling Amway products online. Weird. Check out the website (here) if you want to support her and buy Amway. While your at it, head to Kailyn's personal website (here) and read posts about Isaac (her baby) and her other business (Isaac's clothing line). I'd specifically like to direct your attention to the July 14, 2011 post entitled "Isaac was conceived...". Weird. Finally, just yesterday, Kailyn came to the rescue of Kourtney Kardashian. Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham had criticized (via twitter) Kourtney K's announcement that she was pregnant with baby number two. I guess Farrah was upset that the pregnancy is out of wedlock? It wasn't clear. Kailyn came to Kourtney's defense (also via twitter). Weird.
Leah Messer - Leah Messer and Cory Simms were officially married on October 17, 2010. We all watched the wedding on the season finale of Teen Mom 2 on March 29, 2011. A couple weeks later, in April 2011, Leah filed for divorce. Leah's decision to file for divorce was filmed by MTV and we will likely get both sides of the story during the new season. In the meantime we can speculate about the breakup based on the two reasons that have surfaced: Leah cheated and/or Corey stole $19,000 from Leah. The divorce was finalized in June 2011. Also in June 2011? Leah was rumored to have rekindled her relationship with ex-boyfriend Robbie Kidd, scandalous.
This past summer, Leah Messer with Robbie Kidd
and without post-divorce blues.
(image here)
This is the final Stuff People Google phrase in celebration of Teen Mom 3...for today. I think the typist should have been a little more specific in his/her search.
Here is the first Teen Mom 3Stuff People Google phrase of the day (more to come). I can't comment because I'm not sure what was going on here. I'm not sure what was "fake"...anyone know?
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